Under the Azaleas

Sunday Brunch
Scrambled eggs with veggies & canadian bacon
Mixed greens with tomato and avocado

I'm definitely back on track. Yes, the nuts and ice cream are out of the house; I took care of that Tuesday night! (Thanks for asking Rachel!) Yesterday was a good day. I'm proud of myself for limiting Tuesday night's failing to just what I called it. A blip. No big deal. It's not what we do on one particular night that matters so much but what we do consistently over the long haul.

On a different note, I have to share the highlight of my day yesterday. I did a CrossFit workout on my own, at home, after I did the scheduled HQ Push Jerk at the gym. I did the CFED dumbbell workout from Tuesday. What a great little workout. It's hard for me to keep the intensity up when I work out by myself, but since this workout is so quick (I finished in 10:10), I was able to really keep the pressure on. Plus I was gunning for Meeks' time of 8:54. When I finished, I collapsed on the patio--that great CrossFit collapse that we all love. While I was doing the workout, Melvin hid under the azaleas. When I was finished, he came over and gave me a lick. That's Wednesday's happy grateful bit.

Just a Blip

I escaped last night. I went to visit a friend who knows nothing about CrossFit and has no interest in CrossFit. She's not fixated on diet, food, or working out so we didn't talk about that either. We talked about her place at the beach, birds, photography, our dogs, TV shows, Facebook, current events, and just stuff. It was nice. She made coffee and we had dessert with the coffee. Cherry cobbler with a little scoop of ice cream. It was yummy. If I'm going to eat sweets, this is a good way for me to do it--at someone else's house with someone else around.

I stopped at Publix on the way home for a couple of things I needed and ended up buying nuts. Remember what happens when I buy nuts. So I ate a whole bunch of nuts on the drive home and more when I got home. I also bought a pint of ice cream. I had already had dessert at my friend's house. But that demon inside of me that loves sugar wanted more. I hate admitting that I ate nuts AND ice cream last night after having already had dessert. But I really want to change, and as long as I pretend this stuff did not happen, then it can continue to happen.

So I'm 'fessing up here this morning. I'm not going to let one bad evening change anything. I remain committed to healthy eating and getting lean. I remember what I want and why I want it. Last night was just a blip. I'm back on track and feeling good about it.

Serendipity

" The Wish"
~ by Duy Huynh ~

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.

You all know that I have gone out on a limb and signed up for a CrossFit Level I certification March 28-29 in Charlotte, North Carolina. I picked this particular certification because the date worked with my schedule and Charlotte is within driving distance. (I hate the hassle of flying.)

If you've followed the blog for a while, you also know that I love the artwork of Duy Huynh (pronounced yee wun). I have used images of his paintings on the blog numerous times. Besides being beautiful, many of his works speak to me about creating the life I want and making my dreams come true.

Well, I recently discovered that Duy Huynh's art gallery and studio, Lark and Key is located in Charlotte. Wow! What are the chances of that? Just a coincidence or a sign that I'm on the right track, that the road to my dreams runs through Charlotte?

I think the latter.

Weekend Update

Roasted Asparagus and Peppers

I roasted a big pan of veggies this weekend. So easy and so delicious. I don't know why I haven't been doing this all along. Initially I had the vegetables alongside grilled salmon. Later I used some in an omelet and in a salad at another meal. It is so convenient to have these in the fridge to pull out as needed. After cleaning and prepping the vegetables, I patted them dry with a paper towel, tossed them in a big Ziploc bag with a little olive oil and cracked peppercorns. I like this method because you can swish them all around and get everything coated with the olive oil without using too much oil. I spread them on a baking sheet and roasted at 425 until the peppers started to darken and shrivel up. I think it was maybe 20-25 minutes.

For some healthy fat, I had a little avocado. I like avocado, but I'm not tempted to eat the entire thing; I'm satisfied with a slice or two added to my salad or as a garnish with my meal. I find nuts to be nearly impossible to control right now, so I'm better off choosing avocados, olives, and healthy oils as my source of fats. For now.

A Bowl of Berries

For a sweet treat, I had some fresh berries. I found some terrific strawberries and blueberries at Publix at a good price. I served them in a special bowl that I love which seemed to make them even sweeter. I find that I am more satisfied if I attend to the presentation of the food. Plus it's fun to pull out a pretty dish that I haven't used in a while. And it is just good to focus on the little things that make us happy. A pretty bowl. One of my happy grateful bits from the weekend.

Eight Tenths

"Dreams of Flight"
~ by Duy Huynh ~

Thursday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. Yesterday I was down 8/10 of a pound. My weight has nudged slowly downwards since the first of the year, and I am now back at my pre-Christmas weight. I am still heavier than my lowest point last summer so there remains ground to makeup. And more beyond that. But I'm thrilled about the 8/10 of a pound. And I know the rate of weight loss will only improve now that I am focused and motivated again.

That little voice in my head just said, "don't put that on the blog for everyone to read. What if you fail? What if your perceived turnaround is just a passing fluke and nothing has really changed at all? What if you just continue to flounder like you have for months?"

Well, here's my response to that little voice: "SHUT UP!" I have every intention of moving forward and reaching my goals. Sure, there's a risk. Success is not guaranteed. I have to do the work. I have to string together successful days like the past two. And I can do that. Yesterday was good. It wasn't so hard to eat right--to choose the apple over the chocolate; to have scrambled eggs and broccoli for breakfast, spinach and salmon salad for lunch, and a grilled chicken salad for dinner. It was actually all very tasty and satisfying. For dessert last night I had some frozen cherries with plain non-fat yogurt and a few drops of stevia. Later I had a cup of herbal tea with a splash of soy milk.

I don't feel deprived at all. I feel very good, and I like this feeling. I can do this.

Nary a Shameful Thing

I ate a lot of steamed broccoli yesterday
--breakfast, lunch and dinner!

I made it through yesterday without any major slip-ups. By the end of the day I felt like a baseball player sliding into home plate, just narrowly avoiding the tag. The day started out great, and I actually felt energized by the article, "A Growing Resolve" that I had written for the Wednesday blog. Early in the day, I didn't have enough protein so I was hungry again after a short while. But I had a good, balanced lunch which left me feeling more satisfied through the afternoon. By dinner, I was hungry again and really tempted to eat more than I needed. I had an extra serving of steamed broccoli and some blueberries. No harm done. After dinner, I braved the thunderstorm and the tornado warning to run out to Publix to buy more protein so that I don't find myself in the same situation again today. I bought some eggs, low fat cottage cheese, and canadian bacon. I wanted to buy some type of fish or meat to cook, but once again I was overwhelmed by the rawness of it and what to do with it. So I passed. I looked at the rotisserie chickens, but they gross me out these days, so I passed on those as well.

Of course I wasn't grossed out in the least by all the sugary, high-fat, artery-clogging, diabetes-inducing carbohydrates that I kept bumping into. But I managed to escape without buying any. I didn't debate it or even give it consideration. I remembered the commitment I have made to myself and left Publix with nary a shameful thing in my cart.

A Growing Resolve

The Daffodils are Blooming!

Can you feel it? Can you feel Spring in the air? It's still cold outside, and we still have plenty of winter mornings at the gym on icy pull up bars, but I can feel that spring is coming. We've had a string of beautiful, sunny days. Cold but not too cold. And beautiful. I've had the itch to get outside and work in my yard recently. I have been doing the winter cleanup--cutting back all the perennials and pruning the roses. Laying fresh pine straw. I'm getting my garden ready for the flush of spring. It's a wonderful time of year for gardeners. From now through June, I love walking through my garden every morning, with coffee in hand, to see what new thing has developed. Right now, the daffodils and 'Georgia Blue' veronica have center stage. Both are blooming. The english bluebells have started to break through the earth. While it will be weeks before the average person notices the bluebells, just the sight of the bright green stalks starting to poke through the pine straw is exciting to me. I love this time of year in the garden.

I want to feel a similar excitement as it relates to my fitness. So I thought it would be helpful to think about upcoming events. Rachel's wedding is just a few weeks away. I'm attending a CrossFit Level I Certification at the end of March. I have shared this with only a few of you, knowing that once I admit it, I'll have to get serious about preparing myself for it. (Well, I guess this means I'm ready to get serious.) I plan to attend the CrossFit Regional Qualifier April 25-26 in support of Shana and Tommy. And oh Lord, I plan to attend my 30th high school reunion in June. If that list isn't enough to get me seriously motivated, then I don't know WHAT will motivate me.

I have to confess that I don't feel a burning, hyped-up motivation to prepare for any of these events. But I do feel a growing resolve to change and move forward. So it's in this spirit that I am making the following two commitments to myself.

One: I'm back to following the HQ schedule for my workouts. That won't be too hard for me...at least not from a commitment standpoint. Each individual workout presents it's own challenge, but I will show up to the gym with a good attitude and do my best on each workout.

Two: I'm stepping it up a notch on the diet. I know I can drop body fat when I take it seriously and do all the basic things one must do to lose weight. I'm ready to do those things. I'll be weighing in weekly at Weight Watchers, keeping my food journal, and following the Weight Watchers program with an emphasis on paelo-style eating (lean protein, fruits and vegetables).

As always, I will report on my progess and struggles. I remain grateful to all of you for your support and encouragement.

"I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret."

~ Anthony Robbins ~

"Come On"

"Shana"

My Coach and My Friend

I've been in a bit of a funk recently. My die-hard dedication to working out has faded a little. We all know I struggle with eating right from time to time, but I'm dedicated to the WOD. Since I started crossfitting in August of 2007, I have consistently worked out five, sometimes six times per week. I plan my life around when I'm going to workout. But recently, I have found myself tempted to skip; my usual 5-6 workouts per week has relaxed to 4 or 5. And this past week, I made it all the way to Friday with only TWO workouts under my belt! And then "Fran" popped up. I was already struggling, and "Fran" was all it took to send me back under my rock. No way was I up for that on Friday. I made the decision to skip the workout and start the weekend early....head out to the cabin Friday evening instead of Saturday morning. Yep, that's what I decided to do.

And then about 2pm Friday the text messages started. I had told Shana the previous evening that I would do "Fran" at 4:30. (We had a late owners' meeting on Thursday, and the Friday WOD was discussed before we broke.) So when Shana failed to see my name on the schedule for Friday, the texting began. My first reaction was to ignore her messages. Have you ever tried to ignore Shana? Enough said. So then I decided to be direct and firm. "No, not working out today." That didn't work so then I tried being open and honest. "I'm feeling depressed and just don't have the energy for Fran." That honest admission led to a barrage of text messages from Shana...no waiting for my reply....just a constant, nagging stream of texts with one clear message: "Come on."

I've never been able to ignore those two simple words from Shana. "Come on" gets me back on the bar every time. It makes me run a little faster; press a little harder. Every time.

So I dragged my tired, depressed ass to the gym, not knowing how in the world I would manage to do "Fran." And Shana said, "You'll do your best. That's all anyone can ask of you...just do your best." My best was 4:25 slower than when I did "Fran" back in December. But it didn't matter because I felt relief from my depressed mood and tremendous gratitude for my coach and friend.

Happy Valentines Day

Remember when we were kids and we exchanged valentines with our classmates? Do they still do that? I don't know, but it was fun. If life didn't move at break-neck speed now, I think we should re-institute that tradition today. Prepare corny valentines and hand them out all day long to friends and co-workers.

So here's my corny valentine for all of you. I hope it brings back some fond memories of childhood when Valentines Day was just about friendship and enjoying the day.

Happy Valentines Day.

Canine Inspiration

"Stump"

Sussex Spaniel

Best in Show

Westminster 2009

Did you hear about the Sussex Spaniel named "Stump" who won Best in Show at this year's Westminster dog show? If you know anything about dogs, you know that Westminster is the dog show of all dog shows. And you probably also know that age-ten is getting on up there in dog years; it equates to about 70 in human years. Well, Stump is ten, and he came out of retirement to participate in Westminster this year. He won his breed, defeating his son in the process. He won his group, the Sporting Group. And then he went on to win Best in Show, becoming the first Sussex Spaniel and the oldest dog ever to win Westminster. Even more inspiring is the fact that Stump competed in Westminster back in 2004. He did well, winning his breed and his group, but he failed to take the top prize. He retired from the show circuit that year and later became seriously ill and nearly died.

But Stump wasn't finished. This old dog still had dreams. So he staged a come back, proving (in the words of George Eliot), "it is never too late to be what you might have been."

Sugary, Fluffy, Emptiness

Starbuck's Chocolate Grahams

I just drove across town to Marietta for meetings this afternoon at our Sales Office. I ate lunch before I left the house. I had tuna and a boiled egg. Doesn't sound too great, but it was actually what I wanted. When I got near the office, I decided to stop at Starbucks for a cup of coffee. You know I love coffee, and it has no calories except for the little bit of milk I add. So it's a perfect treat. But the Starbuck's Chocolate Grahams were calling my name today. The dark chocolate ones. Yum, yum. I bought them, and on the way to the office I thought about how sweets are so deceptive for me. I always think I want them, and I always think I can handle them. But they always leave me wanting more and feeling bad about myself. They never leave me feeling satisfied and content. They just trigger an urge in me for more and more. And they often lead to a blue mood. Please understand. I pondered these thoughts as I was eating one of the grahams.

The grahams come two to a package. Once I arrived at the office and got set up for my meeting, I started to munch on the second one. I took a bite. I thought about what the cookie represents...what choosing the cookie means. It means I am choosing the status quo over progress. It means I am inviting sugar cravings, low energy, and a blue mood into my day. It means I am choosing sugary, fluffy, emptiness over grounded contentment and progress. I walked to the break room and tossed it in the trash. No need for palmolive today. Even I won't dig food out of the trash at work!

Silver Lining

My Monday sucked. It started out so-so and then went to hell fast on the wings of a stupid email. I received the email just before noon. I read it. I read it again in disbelief. I felt myself quickly growing angry. My ego told me to respond in kind. I did not. Instead I kept my scheduled appointment with the chiropractor. Or at least I tried to keep it. I turned into a sobbing wreck on the table and had to leave the appointment. I came home; read the email again; walked Melvin; read the email again; ate a bowl of soup; worked for a while; re-read the email; worked the rest of the afternoon; read the email one more time; then laid down and immediately fell into a deep sleep. Later I cried, cleaned house, talked on the phone, read the email a few more times, and cried some more.

Have you ever burned yourself on the stove? Or while ironing maybe? It hurts! But did you keep returning to the source of the pain for another hit? Did you say to yourself, "that really hurt; let me try it again and see if it burns as much the second, third, tenth time?" Now that's crazy. But that's what I did. Over a dumb email. This morning, I deleted the email, and emptied my trash folder. I let it go, both literally and figuratively.

Yesterday's silver lining? I did not manage my pain with food.

Powerful Beyond Measure

painting by Duy Huynh

from A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Tara and Bella

"Think where man's glory most begins and ends,
And say my glory was I had such friends."
- William Yeats

This will warm your heart and make you want a dog for a pet...and an elephant.

Climb a Tree and Holler

"If he who has a thing to sell goes and whispers in a well,

He won't be so apt to make the dollars,

as he who climbs a tree and hollers!"

~ Anonymous ~

Today we are tooting our horns. Yep, we're going to climb right up the tallest tree we can find (this blog) and holler! Brag on yourself! What makes you proud? What are you good at? What do you like about yourself?

When we did this back on October 7, in a post called "Time to Toot Your Horn," it was a big hit. Some were slow to get warmed up, but once things got rolling, people were tooting uncontrollably. =o) Last time we tooted about our CrossFit accomplishments. Today, toot about anything you want. Share at least five things, but the best tooters will have many more. And remember, no discounting or apologizing!

mmmm, Salad

Yum. A Winter Salad

Tuesday was another good day for me. I met my goals of (1) keeping my food journal and (2) avoiding refined sugar and junk food. Just focusing on today helps. I'm tyring not to worry about anything except making good choices in the moment--trying not to worry about how far I have to go or how long it's taking or how I wish I was something other than what I am. Just trying to love and accept myself just as I am and make good choices moment-to-moment.

All the comments about salads the last couple of days got me thinking about making a big salad. Summer salads are easy, but winter salads can be so much more interesting. What are you best winter salad ideas?

One Day at a Time

I was inspired by Shana's new blog to show a little more courage and share how my Monday went. I had two goals for the day. One: write down everything I ate. Two: no junk food or refined sugar. I set these two very basic, simple goals because I wasn't feeling very confident in my ability to succeed. I was feeling negative and blue, and when I feel this way, I am always tempted to eat high-sugar foods which leads to feeling more negative and more blue.

Well, I did keep my food diary for the day and wrote down every bite. I ate no junk food or refined sugar. It feels good to have achieved what I intended for the day. Not a perfect day by any means--not enough food early in the day and more than ideal late in the day. But I met my goals for the day. No junk; no refined sugar; and it's all logged in the journal. I'm pleased; feeling more positive and not so blue.

On Worry

"Worry is prayer for what you don't want."

From The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle

Are you worried? Do you have many "what if" thoughts? You are identified with your mind, which is projecting itself into an imaginary future situation and creating fear. There is no way that you can cope with such a situation, because it doesn't exist. It's a mental phantom. You can stop this health- and life-corroding insanity simply by acknowledging the present moment. Become aware of your breathing. Feel the air flowing in and out of your body. Feel your inner energy field. All that you ever have to deal with, cope with, in real life--as oposed to imaginary mind projections--is this moment. Ask yourself what "problem" you have right now, not next year, tomorrow, or five minutes from now. What is wrong with this moment? You can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future--nor do you have to. The answer, the strength, the right action or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after.