In the Bleak Midwinter

My best Christmas gift this year was the snow that fell on Christmas Day.  I don't have the words to describe its beauty, but the picture above does not need any words.   Staying in that cabin in those white winter woods on Christmas was the best gift I have ever received.  It reminded me of a favorite Christmas song, "A Christmas Carol", also known as "In the Bleak Midwinter".  Like the snow on Christmas, this carol is simple, pure, and perfect and reminds me of my creator.

Click here to watch a performance of this song by Gloucester Cathedral Choir.

A Christmas Carol

(In the Bleak Midwinter)

Words by Christina Georgina Rossetti (1830-1894), 1872;

Set to Music in 1906 by Gustav Theodore Holst under the title "Cranham"

"In the bleak mid-winter

Frosty wind made moan,

Earth stood hard as iron,

Water like a stone;

Snow had fallen, snow on snow,

Snow on snow,

In the bleak mid-winter

Long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him

Nor earth sustain;

Heaven and earth shall flee away

When He comes to reign:

In the bleak mid-winter

A stable-place sufficed

The Lord God Almighty,

Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim

Worship night and day,

A breastful of milk

And a mangerful of hay;

Enough for Him, whom angels

Fall down before,

The ox and ass and camel

Which adore.

Angels and archangels

May have gathered there,

Cherubim and seraphim

Thronged the air,

But only His mother

In her maiden bliss,

Worshipped the Beloved

With a kiss.

What can I give Him,

Poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd

I would bring a lamb,

If I were a wise man

I would do my part,

Yet what I can I give Him,

Give my heart."

I Prefer The Latter

This picture was taken post-workout on December 3.  Laura emailed it to me that very evening, and in her note she said the picture was beautiful.  Wow!  What a gift to have a coach who can see beauty in its various forms -- who can see the beauty in me.  Four weeks ago I was given a label of "obese".  Four days ago I was given a new one.  "Beautiful".   I prefer the latter.

This picture is important and significant to me, not because of what my coach sees or anyone else for that matter, but because of what I see.  I see the beauty.  The strength.  The transformation.    I wish for you the same -- the freedom to see your own beauty, right now. Right where you are, just as you are. We are all beautiful in our own way.  Sometimes we just need others to help us see it. 

I am reminded of the words I recently shared from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.  Worth sharing again, I think.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

More Than A Smidge

So I have to write about it, don't I? Yes, I do. Last Saturday, I chose to undergo a body composition test, also known as a body fat test. I've had them done in the past, once with the pinch method. And once holding onto one of those little machines that can somehow tell what you are made of with not much more than a handshake. Both of those were done more than two years ago. My diet has greatly improved over the last year, especially in the last four months. I've lost weight; I've gotten stronger and faster. And I gave up sugar. SUGAR! My best friend. I gave it up. That alone should be worth at least a point or two on the fat-o-meter, right?  

It was with this mindset that I approached the body composition test last Saturday. This test uses ultra-sound technology and is supposed to be more accurate than the tests I've had done in the past. I thought it would be really cool to get a new benchmark using this method. So I showed up early for my 9:30 am appointment, ready for my number. The thin young woman applied the gel and the ultrasound wand to my abdomen, my hip at the top of the hip bone, and the back of my arm—the three fattest parts on my body, but I guess that's the point. After a minute, she pointed to the result on the computer screen. I was stunned. It was higher than two years ago, higher than the worst that I had prepared myself for.

To add insult to injury, she then explained in excruciating detail where I landed on her chart. "Women in the range of 13-19% are considered athletes. Those in the range of 20-24% are considered fit, while women between 25 and 30% are still acceptable. Anything above 30% is considered obese or unacceptable." Yep. That's what she said.

I was more than a smidge above 30%.

After three years of hard work in the gym, in a matter of seconds, a woman I don't know and who knows nothing of my struggles and hard work, waved a wand and deemed me unacceptable. No matter than I can deadlift 270, back squat 225, squat clean 140, swing a 70-pound kettle bell, do double-unders as well as some little people, and run. Yes, this obese girl can run. And that's what I did after getting my "label." I was too upset to join the group workout as I had planned. So I left the gym and ran. I ran a little loop around the gym and then decided to keep on going. I ran and ran some more. I ran past all the thin, "acceptable" people waiting outside Flying Biscuit. For some reason this made me run faster. And I thought to myself, "hey all you biscuit-eating bitches, watch this unacceptable, obese chic sprint up this hill." And that's what I did.  

It took me a few days to shake this off and get back in a good groove. But I have put it behind me now. Mostly, anyway. It's just a number and a label for those who need it. It changes nothing. It doesn't change who I am or what I can do. Or what I need to do, which is continue to eat well and CrossFit and live my life, even if some may find me "unacceptable." 

Powerful Beyond Measure

"Awakening"
by Duy Huynh

from A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

A Kick in the Behind

"Free Spirit"
by Duy Huynh

My annual physical was a few weeks ago on October 1. I just received the results from the blood work on Monday, and my fasting blood glucose was borderline high (101 and the top of the range is 100). What?! I gave up sugar (in addition to all grains) on July 25, ten weeks earlier so how can this be? In all my 49 years of eating mostly crap most of the time, my blood glucose had never tested high. I even remember thinking, "how am I getting away with this?" And by "this" I mean eating all this sugar and still reporting normal blood glucose? Well, it's no surprise that I wasn't getting away with anything. In order to maintain normal blood glucose levels in spite of my horrendous diet, my pancreas was pumping out insulin like crazy all those years, resulting in my current insulin resistant state. Of course that's my own diagnosis after spending the last year learning about nutrition and metabolism. My doctor isn't going to diagnose this. She'll just keep testing my blood and let me know when I've moved into the diabetic range. At that point she'll give me a low-carb diet to follow.

I looked back in my food diary to see what I had eaten the day prior to the 11am appointment. We were between challenges, and I was a little looser with my diet than I had been in previous weeks. I was enjoying a bit of a break from the close scrutiny, but was still eating mostly primal. Dinner the night before the appointment was Paleo Night at Urban Pl8. I remember commenting to Damon the next day that it was richer and sweeter than I was used to eating, and I felt it. That same meal would not phase someone with a healthier metabolism than mine. Their body would have blood sugar levels back to normal within an hour of eating that meal. My body was still working on getting it under control more than 12 hours later.

So what do I make of all this? Well, for one, it explains so much. It explains why the weight isn't coming off as fast as I would like. I'm insulin resistant. Duh! I guess I knew this already, but there's nothing like seeing it in black and white after 10 weeks of eating a diet designed to improve the very thing I'm seeing in the report. It underscores just how important it is for me to keep carbs low; even "good" carbs need to be kept in check. And when I do splurge, it needs to be in moderation, followed by a walk or some activity to help my body bring blood sugar levels back to normal. Having this new information is a kick in the behind -- just in case I was starting to wonder what's so bad about a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast seven days a week.

Celebration Lasagna

Celebration Lasagna

To celebrate the end of the eight week nutrition challenge, I decided to prepare a special meal. I wanted to make something delicious and satisfying but still within the bounds of primal, low-carb, paleo-ish nutrition. Lately, I have dreamed [literally] of oatmeal and english muffins so I toyed with treating myself to some grains! I even briefly considered having a real dessert made with lots of refined sugar, but quickly decided that was not what I wanted. Recently, while reviewing the Everyday Paleo blog, I stumbled across a recipe for lasagna. That was it! Lasagna! Even without the pasta, it is a rich, luxurious meal.
Here's the link to the Everyday Paleo Lasagna recipe if you want to check it out. I opted not to go with this version since it is strict paleo, without any dairy, and I wanted cheese in my Celebration Lasagna.

Celebration Lasagna
Ingredients:
2 lbs grass-fed ground beef
1 jar of organic, gluten-free, sugar-free pasta sauce
4 medium zucchini
fresh baby spinach
small package of sliced mushrooms
olive oil
sea salt
cracked black pepper
1 cup cottage cheese
1 egg
1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese

Pre-heat oven to 425.

Slice the zucchini length-wise, using a mandoline, to about an 1/8" thick. Place the sliced zucchini in a zip-loc bag with a little olive oil, sea salt, and cracked black pepper. Toss, shake, and smush the zucchini around in the bag until all pieces are coated. Place the zucchini on a baking sheet and roast for 15-20 minutes, or until the zucchini starts to turn a little brown.

While the zucchini is roasting, brown the ground beef. Add the pasta sauce and mushrooms. Bring to a simmer and cook for a few minutes until heated through and most of the liquid has reduced.
In a separate bowl, combine 1 cup of cottage cheese with 1 egg, salt and pepper.

Reduce the oven to 375 degrees.

Line the bottom of a 13x9 baking dish with the roasted zucchini. Next layer with fresh spinach leaves. Top this layer with 1/2 of the ground beef mixture. (If the ground beef mixture is "soupy" don't add the liquid to the lasagna or you will have soupy lasagna). Dot the ground beef with 1/2 of the cottage cheese mixture. Repeat these layers and finish with the 1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella.

Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until bubbly and heated through.

Hamburger Soup

When I was a little girl, my mama would sometimes make what she called "Hamburger Soup." She did this when she was "too tired to cook" since my daddy didn't consider soup a real meal. Even so, it was one of my favorite suppers. In a big soup pot, she tossed leftover ground beef, onions, okra, corn, peas, potatoes, and tomatoes. Or whatever vegetables we had, but those were the common ones. To go along side it, she always made a large pan of corn bread and a gallon jug of sweet tea. With the table set, usually by me, the whole family would gather in the tiny kitchen around the rickety dinette set, "say the blessing," and then dig in. The soup was a steaming bowl of goodness. The warm cornbread, a slice of mama's love. And the sweet tea, a nightly staple as routine as the setting sun.

Inspired by this memory and the promise of cooler fall temperatures, I made a big pot of "Hamburger Soup" last night. I went heavy on the ground beef and chose all low starch vegetables: onion, bell pepper, tomato, okra, broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. The result was a complete, satisfying paleo meal in a bowl (with lots of leftovers). As for the cornbread and sweet tea, the memory of those two will have to suffice.

There's No Going Back

"Food for Thought"
by Duy Huynh

Seven weeks ago I made a pledge to eliminate refined sugar for eight weeks. At first I couldn't even entertain the thought without my mind immediately flooding with phrases like "IMPOSSIBLE!" and "here you go again." I couldn't think it, and I certainly couldn't say it out loud or admit it to another person. But somehow in a moment of total frustration, I summoned the courage to make the pledge anyway. I wrote my promise on a sheet of paper, signed it, dated it, and stuck it on my refrigerator door. A week later, I shared my pledge with other people in the nutrition challenge that my gym was sponsoring. After two weeks, I realized that I would actually honor my commitment -- that it was POSSIBLE for me to succeed. And now, here it is seven weeks later. Only one week remains in the 8-week challenge. The heavy-handed depression that I experienced during weeks 3 through 5 has eased. I'm starting to get my energy back. I've lost some weight. Sugar no longer has me by the throat. Oh, I'm well aware that it is waiting in the wings, ready to pounce in a weak moment -- to enslave me again. So there's no going back for me. The end of eight weeks will be a milestone for celebration. A beginning of the rest of my life. Not the end of anything.

The Sweetness all Around

A lone Rose of Sharon (hibiscus syriacus) blossom brightens the dog days
of summer at Lullwater Park on Wednesday.

We are finally in the waning days of summer, thank goodness. I can't recall ever being so happy to have the end of August in my sights. Just when I thought Autumn might not come at all this year, we got a little break in the heat with even cooler temps forecasted over the next several days.

I've been away from this blog for nearly two months. I am coming out of a bit of depression - brought on first by the move, and then enhanced by the oppressive heat, and further aggravated by eliminating all refined sugar from my diet. Life has just seemed too dull and gray, too hot, too dry, too old, too hard. Not sweet at all. But in the last few days, I have felt a glimmer of happiness returning. I am taking notice again of the sweetness all around: the electric yellow goldfinches at the bird feeder. The mandevilla vine with screaming red blooms. Zara the neighborhood greyhound who finally made friends with me and Melvin. The lone Rose of Sharon blossom at Lullwater yesterday. Sweetness truly is all around.

______________________________________________________

Back at the beginning of the year, during one of my waves of introversion, I locked this blog down (again) so that only the people closest to me could read it. I was afraid that people would judge me because I was still working on my nutrition and trying to lose weight. And failing miserably. Now I'm unlocking it again, feeling somehow liberated to just be who I am, failures, flaws and all. Perfect example -- I've worn a sleeveless top out in public on more than one occasion recently. No one cares! Life is too short (and too hot) to hide out. Or cover up.

A Little Nudge

Coffee in a Pretty Cup

"It's time to commit to finding other forms of comfort and sticking with them.
You WILL beat this if you choose it."
words of Erica Stelten -
friend, nutritionist, life coach, bad-ass crossfitter, former compulsive eater, and all around good person

Choose. That was Erica's advice to me on Wednesday. "You will beat this if [and when] you choose it." Not when some miracle happens and suddenly I'm really motivated to eat only vegetables, fruit, and meat. Not when pigs fly. Not when I have sufficiently beat myself up over my failure to change. Not tomorrow or next week or next year. But when I choose to change, I will change. It requires a commitment to myself and a DECISION to act differently than the past 49 years. It's like any commitment. I'm not always happy about doing my work, but I have a responsibility to my employer, and I honor it. Take CrossFit as another example. Although I am committed to CrossFit, I rarely wake up excited or motivated to go to the gym. But I drag myself there five or six times per week. It is never easy, but the rewards are worth it, and the threats of not doing it loom large. Standard American aging does not appeal to me. I choose to be different than the masses.

August 15 will mark my third anniversary with CrossFit. When I first started, I couldn't do a single sit up, and shoulder pressing 20 pounds was a challenge. I couldn't jump rope at all, and I had never heard of a double-under. My nutrition was off the deep end. Bingeing on sweet, trans fat-filled carbs was a regular occurrence. I took medication for depression, but remained depressed and moody much of the time. I was on lipitor for high cholesterol, and I suffered from regular bouts with vertigo. My first CrossFit workout did more for my depression than years of prozac and talk-therapy. I was hooked immediately, and I never looked back. The rewards have been tremendous: strength, overall fitness, happiness, no prozac, no lipitor, and oh, the friends I've made.

I've even made huge improvements in my nutrition. If you had told me three years ago that I would be happy rarely eating bread, rice, or pasta, I would not have believed you. And my frequent bingeing on sweets is a thing of the past. I still get into trouble with ice cream more than I care to admit, and now I eat nuts like I used to eat candy. But compared to the past, well, it's like night and day. I can't remember the last time I bought a bag of miniature reeses or Crunch 'n Munch. I used to eat that crap all the time.

Erica's simple admonishment on Wednesday really helped me. I am ready (and have been) to change -- to take it to the next level, but I needed a little nudge. It's like when your coach puts the tiniest bit of upward pressure on the bar during a heavy back squat; you just need the slightest bit of assistance to stand up. Or a little nudge to move forward. I may need it again from time to time, and I hope Erica and others will offer it. I'm tired of giving myself excuses for not changing. I'm tired of denying myself full participation in my sport and in life. This fat suit doesn't suit me anymore.

Nothing Sweet About It

One-eyed Rudy

Life has settled down it seems. The AC in the condo was replaced and appears to really be fixed this time (knock on wood). No more battling with the landlord to do the right thing. No more reasons to delay settling in here. No more distractions from the day-in, day-out grind of life. I've got that, "now what?" feeling that is probably common after big life events. I'm feeling a little depressed, and when I'm depressed the only thing I can think of to make myself feel better is food. So last night I binged on ice cream. It worked. I felt better almost immediately, and fell asleep early from overdosing on sugar. Relief. Escape. For a fleeting moment.

And now I'm right back in the same place I was yesterday with the added heavy blues that always follow one of these episodes. Sugary regret. There's nothing sweet about it.

How Simple is That?

Lettuce Wrap (with a couple of bites missing)
Turkey, bacon, olives, mayo, black pepper

How simple is that? A lettuce leaf with sliced deli turkey breast, bacon which I pre-cooked Sunday night, a few sliced olives, a dollop of mayo, and a sprinkle of black pepper. As easy as a traditional sandwich and much better for me. I feel so virtuous! But I must confess I ate two of these. What can I say? I like to eat.

Feeling Better Already

Cabin CrossFit

It is good to be back in the city. I arrived home about 5pm yesterday. Once Melvin and Rudy were settled, I went straight back out to the grocery store. That's the first real grocery shopping I've done since late March. I bought vegetables, fruit, meat, eggs, nuts -- everything I need to eat well this week. No more excuses. It's time to make eating well a top priority again. This morning I had eggs, blueberries, and almonds. And coffee of course. Feeling better already.

The Shelf That Daddy Built

Sleeping Loft at the Cabin with the recently added "shelf that Daddy built".

The shelf in the picture above used to sit on the back porch at 110 Lamont Drive. Sheryl and Mike helped me load it for moving to the cabin back on May 22. It's been sitting on the porch at the cabin ever since, but today I managed to move it upstairs to it's intended location. My dad built this shelf from heavy plywood back in the late 60's. He painted it brown, and it became the focal point in our sparsely furnished living room. A 13" black and white television with rabbit ear antenna sat on the very top. A well-worn, heavily used set of The World Book Encyclopedia filled the first shelf from the top-right. Assorted other books joined the mix: The Best Loved Poems of the American People, a bird book that my brother loved, and The Holy Bible to name a few.

This shelf that Daddy built is no fine antique and wouldn't bring more than a few dollars at a yard sale, but it is a family heirloom in the truest sense.

It Was Only A Dream

This mushroom caught my attention while walking yesterday morning.

It rained like crazy here last night. It started about 9pm and poured for hours. I'm not sure what time it stopped or how many inches we got. Whatever it was, we needed it, if for no other reason to take the edge off this heat wave.

The cabin has a metal roof, and when it rains, you know it. And in a heavy rain like last night, it screams at you to tune everything else out and focus on the rain. So I turned off the TV, opened up the front door and listened to the rain. I fell asleep early listening to the rain. I woke up a few times long enough to realize it was still raining and then went right back to sleep. I dreamed I was still living at 110 Lamont Drive and the roof was leaking. Because that house sits under a gigantic oak tree which occasionally drops limbs in a storm, over the years I had my share of issues with the roof. In the nearly 16 years I lived there, I think I had this problem only twice, but that was enough to induce anxiety in all subsequent big rains. I smiled from ear to ear this morning when I realized last night's roof leak was only a dream.

Thanks, Rudy

Rudy at the Cabin

I came to the cabin for a few days while the AC at the condo is being repaired. I could easily get all in a tiz about the AC not working and the fact that the landlord didn't fix it properly back in May when the problem first manifested, before I moved in. Or, I can just take life as it comes and deal with it. I can even see it as a blessing to have a reason to work from the cabin this week. A friend of mine said, "I think it's your guardian angel stepping in to help you ease into your new life -- giving you some comfort time at the cabin with Melvin [and Rudy]". I think she's right. I am enjoying being here, enjoying the quiet and the slow pace. Enjoying my family just across the way. Appreciating the reminder of why I sold the house in the first place -- so that I could have a finished cabin in the woods and a small, low-maintenance apartment in the city. So that I could split my time between country and city if I choose. Without the AC breaking, who knows when I would have gotten around to really spending more than a day or two here? Who knows when I would have gotten around to packing Rudy up and bringing him with me? Rudy's ability to travel with me is key to having dual residences. I can't spend extended time here if I'm worrying about Rudy at home alone in the condo.

And it is Rudy who provides the life lesson for this week. I have always pegged him as being more attached to his place than to me. I always thought he wouldn't travel well, and I had good reason for thinking that. The fact that I couldn't get my hands on him was a hint of how difficult it would be to bring him with me. The fact that he always fought me like a wild animal when I tried to crate him for a trip to the vet was another clue. But a bigger crate was all he needed to go in without a fuss. I can even pick him up now without too much trickery. He adjusted quickly to life at the condo, and he took to the cabin like it was his idea. He has hardly missed a beat over the last two weeks, and he's 15. That's pretty old in cat-years. So from Rudy this week I have learned that you CAN teach an old cat new tricks, and "it is never too late to be who you might have been." Thanks, Rudy.

This Gardenia

Perfection in a Pickle Jar:
A simple, all-white bouquet of gardenia, gooseneck loosestrife, and hydrangea 'Blushing Bride'.

I visited my mom last Saturday and picked a bouquet of gardenia, loosestrife, and hydrangea from her garden. She gave me an old pickle jar to use for a vase. This gardenia is the classic old-fashioned kind with glossy green leaves and large, fragrant, pure-white flowers on a volkswagen-sized shrub. I gave her this gardenia way back in the fall of 1998; it was a small rooted cutting that came from a plant growing at 110 Lamont Drive. That was the year I first fell in love with gardenias in general, and this one in particular. My father had just died on June 2. I returned home later that day after a week of death-bed vigil to do laundry and pack a new bag for the funeral. When I pulled in the driveway, I was welcomed by this gardenia in full bloom. It had never bloomed like that before. Or maybe Daddy's death had awakened something in me that allowed me to truly see it for the first time. Whatever the case, that's the story of this gardenia and how I fell in love.

Starting to Lift

Melvin on moving day.
I cried when he sought the farthest corner of the porch and just sat there, looking lost and sad.

These pictures of Melvin and Rudy (below) capture the sadness, loss, and emptiness I have experienced in recent weeks. I am starting to feel better, well enough to write again. But what kind of writer would I be if I glossed over this huge life event and just moved on to the next thing? Selling 110 Lamont Drive was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I bought that house in 1994 and spent the last 16 years pouring my heart into it. I painted it, refinished the floors, furnished it, added the back porch, renovated the kitchen, updated the bathroom, added the plantation shutters, landscaped it, re-roofed it, re-wired it, replaced the heating and air, the water heater, sewer line, and water pipes. I filled the attic, closets, and cupboards with 16 years of memories. I buried my beloved cat, Teddie in the backyard. I hosted many Thanksgiving dinners for my family in that house, including my father who is now deceased. I threw countless tennis balls for Melvin there -- many of them still lost in the shrubbery. I made a life for myself in that house. It was gut-wrenching to leave. It's hard to think about it without tears welling up. Loss. Grief. Sadness. That's what I'm experiencing. It feels bad for a time, but it will lift. . . is already starting to lift.

Rudy on moving day.

I don't like this picture of me, but that's how I looked at the end of this ordeal.
Tired, heavy, and sad.

The Other Side of Change

Gelsemium 'Carolina Jasmine' embracing a birdhouse that my brother installed for me many years ago.
Letting go is hard, but the weathered birdhouse and the vine belong to the birds, bumble bees, and butterflies that show up every spring to enjoy them.

I want to make it to the other side of change. On the other side of change I am in a new home, nesting and making it perfect just for me - not for some potential buyer. On the other side of change I am done with inspections, repairs, and strangers walking through my home at a moment's notice. On the other side of change, I have lots of cash to pad my bank account and fund new dreams. On the other side of change I don't have to vacuum everyday. If I want to leave my bed unmade I can. I can sleep as late as I want, and then sit around all Saturday morning drinking coffee. I can leave my shoes by the door or track mud through the house. Melvin and Rudy can relax and enjoy their old age with long, uninterrupted naps. On the other side of change I can create a new garden. I can meet my new neighbors. On the other side of change I can look forward and make new memories. I can't wait to make it to the other side of change.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
~ unknown ~

And Now We Wait

Melvin and I are done with the house. Now we just have to keep it neat and clean and wait for a buyer. It should hit the MLS today I hope. It's been shown a few times already but hopefully will pick up once it hits the MLS. I'm starting to think about rental properties.

It was great to be back at my 7am workout this morning with Erica and Mike. And Meeks joined us too. I should be able to keep on track with 7am now, I think. I'm also trying to get my diet back on track. I need to do a little planning and grocery shopping. I'm not doing any cooking since I have the kitchen perfectly clean and don't want to mess it up. But I don't cook that much anyway, so it won't be too difficult for me to manage.

TIME!

WOL

(a Workout of Life)

Prepare House for Sale

As prescribed,

49 days.

I Took the Oven Apart

A favorite spot that I'm going to miss.

I'm on the home stretch; the house is just about ready. I decided to give myself one more weekend to finalize everything. The sign goes up in the yard on Monday. Meanwhile, I'm doing the last few things on my list, and I've stopped adding things to it! When I took the oven apart in order to clean it, I decided that I really had lost my mind. If the oven needs to be that clean then the new owner needs to buy herself a new oven. I tend to see only the imperfections; it's hard for me to step back and just appreciate how wonderful this place is. This morning I was out on the back porch fretting over the floor and debating if I should whip out the paint cans and put a fresh coat down. Then I remembered the oven fiasco. Then I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture rather than zeroing in on a spot here and there. And then I felt sad. How can I leave this wonderful place that I created with so much love and heart? It didn't look like this when I moved here. The porch didn't even exist, except for in my dreams. I remember shopping for the perfect wicker chairs, and re-purposing the shutters to make that screen. I found that sweet little table at a yard sale, and I love those candlesticks. I planted the evergreens in the background, and they were barely head high; now they reach above the house. I created that perfectly comfortable and inviting scene. I'm going to miss it. . . . But the good news is that I'm taking all that shit (minus the evergreens and the porch) with me. And I'll create a new perfect spot where I'm not responsible for the maintenance.

After several days, I was back in the gym this morning. I don't feel too bad about missing a few CrossFit workouts because I have been working my ass off. I can't wait to yell "TIME" on this workout!

Sorry for the cursing. I just can't help myself these days. Without cursing, I cannot adequately express my state of mind right now. I'm exhausted and so OVER IT!

A Third Hand Would Be So Handy

I worked at home all weekend. Yardwork, painting, caulking, cleaning, trips to Ace Hardware and Home Depot, and more than a little mental anguish over my decision to sell. Change is good, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I'm meeting with real estate agents this week, and I have someone coming to pressure wash the house on Tuesday. Once that is done, the exterior painting can start. I've still got some inside projects to do (little things), but once the exterior work is done, the house will be good enough. Of course that's my opinion; we'll see what the experts have to say. I still have a "To Do" list as long as I am tall, but I have decided that I'm being too picky and not all that stuff has to be done. I've prioritized the list to complete the items that are most important, and if the remainder doesn't get done, it doesn't get done.

I don't know what I was smoking when I thought I could get serious about losing weight at the same time I got serious about selling this house. I am struggling with my eating and just struggling in general. Selling my house of 15+ years is hard. Going through all the stuff I've accumulated and preparing the house for sale is hard work, physically and emotionally. And it's very isolating - a stark reminder than I am all alone. Still. I bought this house at age 34 and never imagined that I would still be single 15 years later. And every project I do all by myself reminds me that it's just me. It hurts that I asked my family for help, and they couldn't find the time. I cried and nearly pulled my hair out trying to install a new bathroom light fixture yesterday. A third hand would be so handy. A man in my life who knows how to do shit (or just cares about me) would be awesome. Who am I kidding? I want a man who knows how to do shit AND cares about me. Anything less would just piss me off. I'll make it through this just like I always do, but I have cried more than a few times over the last few days.

OK. Enough whining. I have too much to do.


7am
coffee with cream

9am
2 sausage patties
1 egg
coffee with cream

11am
1 sausage patty

2pm
mixed nuts

It's Spring, Finally!

A red maple in full bud at Lullwater yesterday - it's Spring, finally!

7am
coffee with cream
CarbMaster Yogurt (12 grams protein, 4 grams carbs)
topped with sliced almonds

9am
coffee with cream

1130am
meatloaf with kale salad
cottage cheese with applesauce and almonds

12n
1-mile dog walk

330pm
almonds

5pm
15-minute AMRAP of Cindy

630pm
1-mile walk

7pm
steak and asparagus
2 glasses of wine
a big bowl of ice cream! :-( I regret it now. Aargh! Will I ever change?

Voila, It Rings!

Helleborus orientalis
"Lenten Rose"

How in the world will I say goodbye to the Lenten Rose? I'm having second thoughts today about selling the house. I'll just go with this feeling but continue to work my punch list and see how I feel tomorrow. But the good news is that my home is getting the attention that it needs, so whether I sell or not, it's all good. One thing is for sure: I'm either selling this house or throwing a big party this spring!

Last night I had a small victory. I repaired the doorbell. It's been broken for a while now (years); I disconnected the ringer from the wall, saw that one of the wires was loose, put it back in place, and voila, it rings again! And Melvin has a new reason to bark.

6am
black coffee

7am
Deadlifts 7x1

9am
5 slices of bacon
grape tomatoes
black coffee

11am
walked Melvin

12n
3 oz chicken
apple

2pm
Starbucks
bag of nuts & dried fruit
coffee with half & half

Then a little while later, I had a protein bar. I was sort of wandering aimlessly, tired from obsessing over/working on this house 24/7, and just didn't know what to do with myself. So I ate a protein bar. hrmph. :-(

5:30pm
45 minute walk at Lullwater Park, with Melvin of course

7:30pm
Whole Foods To Go
meatloaf, collard greens, mushrooms and onions

8:30
Continued painting the bathroom; I've been working on it a little each day this week. Walls done. Ceiling done. Now doing the trim. It's a good thing I don't keep firearms in the house.

Up 1.4

More Daffodils!

Last night was my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I was up 1.4. You see, that's the good thing about being back at Weight Watchers; I have to face the consequences of my actions. I can't ignore it, pretend it didn't happen, or put off dealing with it. I hated that I gained, but it was a rough week, and I'm just not going to worry about it. Worrying doesn't help anyway. And it's not like I don't know why I gained. I plan to have a good week and hopefully report a loss next week.

6am
black coffee

7am
CrossFit Workout (1/2 Murph - 33 minutes)

9am
2 boiled eggs
coffee with milk

noonish
Lots of running around related to the house and tax prep season. Can you say STRESS? Makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when Kramer was being kept awake all night by the neon sign for the new Kenny Rogers chicken restaurant...he said, "Oh... I'm stressed!"

1pm
2 slices of bacon
2 eggs scrambled
grape tomatoes

5pm
1/2 apple with some chicken
1 cheese stick

830pm
frozen cherries with cottage cheese

I'll Miss the Daffodils

Daffodils are blooming happily in my garden -- a sign that winter is finally releasing it's hold on us. I'll miss the daffodils when I leave this house, but they will return year after year to bless the life of it's new owner. I'm a little sad to leave the garden that I planted and loved, but sometimes you have to let go of one thing to allow the next into your life.

7am
coffee with cream

9am
2 boiled eggs

coffee with cream

12n
1-mile dog walk

1230pm
grilled chicken salad with sunflower seeds

330pm
1/2 apple with 2 T almond butter

6pm

weekly weigh-in. Up 1.4

730pm

nuts! I ate nuts for dinner. I've got to go to the grocery.

Something Had To Give

Here I am. I disappeared for a few days because of all the chaos at home. Something had to give, and this was one of the things I let slide. I've had a rough few days eating-wise. My home life has been turned upside down. When things are out of sorts, I can so easily turn to food for comfort and escape. I am much better than I used to be, but I still sought solace in food Friday night when my house was still without power. I was tired from a crazy week and ready to relax. The work was suppose to be finished at 5pm, at which time they told me they needed 2 or 3 more hours. I tried to entertain myself by running errands and visiting a friend. Finally at 9pm I returned home to a dark house and 3 electricians wearing headlamps, working feverishly to get it up and running. They estimated two more hours to completion. I drove to Publix and bought a box of Dove Bars (3 per box). I sat in my truck in the driveway and ate two of them. At 11pm, the lights came on, and I was finally able to get back into my house. My messy, dusty, turned-upside-down house.

I spent the entire weekend putting the house back together and working the punch-list of items to be completed before I can list this house for sale. Getting closer, but still not ready yet.

I think I did better with my eating on Saturday and Sunday; I didn't keep track of what I ate, but for the most part I chose good foods - no junk. Today I'm back to writing it all down. Things are still crazy around here, and I need to go to the grocery store as you'll see from my food choices today. Something still has to give -- a perfect diet and a perfect house ain't happening. But I'm doing the best that I can.

6am
coffee with cream

7am
CrossFit warmup and 20 minute AMRAP

9am
cottage cheese with applesauce and 2 T sliced almonds

11am
coffee with cream
3 brazil nuts

1:30pm
cottage cheese with blueberries and 2 T sliced almonds
5 brazil nuts

4pm
2 cheese sticks
coffee with cream

530pm
30 minute walk with Melvin

7pm
Bison Burger with blue cheese and bacon (no bun) from Ted's with a side of asparagus
strawberries

12.6 to Go

Tonight was my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers. (See my blog post from Wednesday, March 3 to get caught up on what I'm doing back at Weight Watchers.) I was down 2.4 pounds from a week ago. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds by May 25. That's 2.4 down and 12.6 to go.

I didn't keep track of what I ate today, and I don't have the energy to try and remember at this point. Not a great day. Having your house rewired is sort of like changing the tires on the car while driving down the road. I'm doing the best I can.

Chaos Reigns

Can you say "chaos?" I'm having my house rewired this week. (I hope they can finish in a week). So that means chaos reigns at my house and in my life right now. A dear friend was kind enough to offer her home for me to work during the day so that I don't have to drive all the way to Marietta everyday to escape the madness. Once I got settled in here at my friend's house, I found myself doing some stress-eating. I think I've gotten a grip now.

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

7am
CrossFit warm up followed by "Helen"

10:30am
2 boiled eggs
2 slices bacon
grapes
coffee with cream

a while later I found myself munching on nuts and cheese. STOP!

2pm
grapes and some nuts

5:30pm
long, brisk walk

7:30pm
steak and veggie stir-fry
nuts

coffee with cream
dark chocolate (1 1/2 oz)

A Late Winter Day

A late winter day at Lullwater Park.

I went for a walk at Lullwater Park yesterday. It was a beautiful, late winter day. As soon as I turned down this path, I paused to appreciate the scene. The beech trees framed the trail perfectly against the brilliant blue sky. I love beech trees; unlike most hardwoods, these trees hang onto their dead leaves until the new spring buds start to pop. The pale brown leaves rustle in the wind and provide added interest and beauty to the winter woods.

Food Journal
(not a great day eating-wise, but at least I didn't over-eat.)

9am
3 slices of bacon
2 boiled eggs
1 orange
coffee with cream

5pm
Fuji Apple Chicken Salad from Panera
brazil nuts

8pm
1 cup of vanilla ice cream with sliced almonds

Activity
-I'm getting my house ready to put on the market. I worked all day long in my attic. I hauled many loads down the pull-down stairs to the back porch, sorted it, then took two truck loads to Goodwill. I'm exhuasted!
-I took a break about 3pm and took Melvin on another long walk at Lullwater.
-I had a very active day, and I'm pleased about that.

A Tiny Little Bagel (Which I Ate)

Very busy, hectic day. I don't feel like writing much tonight, but I did want to post my food for the day. I know I'm not posting it everyday, but I am tracking it daily. I was rushed this morning and didn't eat breakfast and didn't take my lunch with me to the office. (I usually work from home but had to go to the Marietta office today). I'm glad to make it through today without blowing it. Better day tomorrow I hope.

Food Journal

7am
coffee with cream

10am
coffee with cream
a few nuts with a little dried fruit

1pm
Starbucks tall latte
Starbucks Protein Plate (boiled egg, a little cheese, peanut butter with a tiny little bagel (which I ate), a few grapes and a few apple slices. Should have passed on the tiny/mini bagel, but I was hungry, and it was so small. By the time I left the office, my nose was running...happens now when I eat grains. Crazy.

7pm
I was STARVING by the time I ate dinner; I didn't plan well today. I almost went crazy eating too much too fast because I was so hungry.
6 oz chicken on salad of mixed greens, with a little apple, blue berries, walnuts and almonds, with blue cheese dressing
dark chocolate (72% cacao) - ate the whole bar which the package said was 2 servings.

Activity
It was my regular rest day from CrossFit. I walked Melvin in the morning and that's it, except for general running around. Wanted to do something more, but it didn't happen today.

15 by May 25

I returned to Weight Watchers last night - not for the diet, but for the structure, accountability, and support. I plan to continue to eat the way that works for me, but I'll weigh-in each week at Weight Watchers and attend the meeting. The meeting topics are usually focused on behavioral change, not food. These meetings helped and motivated me in the past; now that I know the way that I need to eat, I think I can actually follow-through on what I learn each week at the meeting. Sue, my Weight Watcher leader, has known me for years and seen my struggle. She understands that I am not following the Weight Watcher program as prescribed; she supports me in doing what is best for me.

I have lost 4 pounds in the last two weeks since renewing my commitment to weight loss. I want to lose 15 more by May 25; that's 12 weeks away. I'll be weighing in every Tuesday night and reporting my progress here on Wednesday's.

The Whole 9 Yards

photo courtesy of Sam Gris

That's me, Erica, and Shannon at the CrossFit Georgia Sectional Qualifier over the weekend.

Great weekend! It's fun to have fun. And it's fun to watch other people workout! Crazy CrossFitters, yes we are.

I've decided to start keeping track of my food on FitDay again. I need to tighten things up and be more aware of calorie consumption. I'm generally eating well, but still eating too much if I want to lose weight. And uh . . . yes, I want to lose weight. So that's what I'm doing -- tracking my food intake on FitDay. I'm weighing and measuring and tracking . . . the whole 9 yards. That's what it's going to take for me to lose weight. Unfortunately.

Today is going well. On track so far with my food. I worked out this morning and went for a short walk over lunch.

The CrossFit Regional Qualifier in Jacksonville is about 3 months away. I would LOVE to drop 10 to 15 pounds by then. I can do it if I get serious about monitoring not only WHAT I'm eating, but HOW MUCH I'm eating. I'm working on that.

The Handyman is Back!

The handyman is back. He's here for the next four days or so working in my living room. At least he's not in the middle of the house like last time. He can come and go without having to interact with me. There's a dust barrier over the door between the living room and den/kitchen so I don't have to see him at all. Also, I scheduled it to occur over this weekend since I will be out of the house at the CrossFit Sectionals most of the time. But still, it's stressful. Stuff from the living room is sitting all over the rest of my tiny house. The chaos combined with the big chunks of money I'm spending is very stressful. I'll do my best to get through this without turning to food for relief.

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

11:30
No time to eat until now as I was scurrying around to get everything moved out of the living room before Doug, the handyman arrived. And no time to cook since I'm suppose to be WORKING.
2 cheese sticks
100-calorie pack of almonds
coffee with cream

2pm
2 slices of turkey
blueberries and walnuts





Activity
7am: CrossFit warm up then decided to go with Erica for coffee. I plan to go back in later today to do something.
9:30am-11am: Moved the light furniture and accessories out of the living room in preparation for repairs and painting.
5pm - CrossFit warm up followed by 18 minutes of double-unders, situps, and clean & jerks

A Favorite Salad

Avocado, tomato, and bacon salad.

My favorite salad lately is chopped avocado and grape tomato seasoned with salt and pepper, served on a crispy lettuce like iceberg, and topped off with some bacon. It is so good.

I'm feeling much better now. Here's to breaking the cycle of cheating on the weekends. It takes me a day or two or three to recover, and by then it's the weekend again. Here's to eating the foods that not only taste good but also make me feel good, energetic, and happy. Since I'm spending the entire weekend with a bunch of crazed crossfitters, I should be able to keep it on track this weekend. That's my plan.

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
~ unknown ~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

9am
3 sausage patties
orange
coffee with cream

11am
It's only been 2 hours since I ate, but I am starving!
leftover steak stir-fry with vegetables
100-calorie pack of almonds

1pm
1 cheese stick
2 sausage patties
coffee with cream

hmmm, let's see. I'm writing this the next day and trying to remember what I ate. Yesterday afternoon and evening is a blur. I had an electrical inspection done on my house in preparation for putting it on the market. Not happy news, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised given that the house was built in 1947. Anyway, I didn't eat a normal dinner. I chomped on a bunch of almonds (chomp, chomp, chomp, crunch, crunch crunch - good stress reliever I guess). I also ate some fruit. Not a great evening, but I didn't eat sugar...and that's a victory!



Activity
7am: CF warmup plus 25 minutes of wallballs, ring rows, and running.
12n: 1-mile dog walk

Toss the Sugary Sauce

Contessa Stir-Fry meals are always in my freezer.

I recently discovered Contessa Stir-Fry meals in the freezer case at Publix. If you toss the sugary sauce, you have just meat and vegetables ready in minutes. I keep them in my freezer for emergencies. They have chicken and steak; I've tried both and find them quite good. I cooked the steak and vegetables the other night in a little bacon fat with salt and pepper to taste. It was delicious. Warning: there are many varieties of this product, and most have rice or pasta included. Look for the stir-fries with just meat and vegetables.

I felt really tired last night so I decided not to set an alarm and nixed my original plan of going to the gym this morning. I slept as long as I needed, and I think I'll be better for it. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll be mostly recovered from my weekend transgressions.

Food Journal

730am
coffee with cream

9am
2 eggs
2 sausage patties
1/2 orange
coffee with cream

11:15am
2 handfuls of mixed nuts
Not hungry, so why am I eating? :-( The nuts were leftover from my Jekyll "healthy" stash. They are all gone now, thank goodness.

3:30pm
2 slices of turkey
almonds (one 100-calorie pack)

730pm
salad (avacado, tomato, bacon, lettuce, salt & pepper)
beef and vegetable stir-fry

for dessert: cottage cheese, applesauce, sliced almonds
decaf coffee with cream

Activity
12n: 1-mile dog walk
6pm: CF warmup and Row 5k (23:41)

Strictly Primal

Jekyll Island
February 20, 2010

I screwed up again and ate too much sugar while I was away. Started out ok, but then thought I could handle a little something sweet. The next day I had a little more, and by yesterday I had lost my freaking mind. I celebrated my return home with a pint of Haagen Daz. Aargh!

I'm back to strictly primal. Clearly I'm addicted to sugar, and any addict will tell you that you have to take it one day at a time. So today I'm not having sugar, and I hope to carry this resolve forward for the full month of March. Can I do it? I think I can.


Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

9am
3 sausage patties
orange
100-calorie pack of almonds
coffee with cream

1:30pm
cottage cheese with chopped apple and sliced almonds

Evening
I "grazed" all evening on nuts, cheese, fruit, etc. I don't feel well (sleepy, depressed, and low energy). My goal was just to get through the day without eating refined carbs and sugar. I managed to do that. Tomorrow will be better.

Activity
7am: CrossFit warmup and 28 minute workout (deadlifts, running, situps)
12n: backsquats and shoulder presses for max weight

Headed to Jekyll

On the beach at Jekyll Island with Melvin.
October, 2009

I'm headed to Jekyll Island for the weekend. I've had a great week and hope to continue it by making good choices while I'm away.

Have a great weekend. See you next week.

After Just Four Days

Wednesday Night Supper
Grilled Salmon with Mustard Sauce
Mixed Vegetables

I'm already feeling so much better now after just four days. I had fallen into a rut of "cheating" every few days with ice cream or chocolate, and I'm not talking about good, bittersweet dark chocolate. It is good to be back on track.

There is a terrific article on Mark's Daily Apple called "Eat. Rejoice. Repeat." Check it out. I found it very helpful, as I do many of the articles on his blog.

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

10am
2 eggs scrambled
2 slices bacon
1 orange
coffee with cream

2pm
(busy and the only protein option in the house is cheese)
mixed vegetables
3 cheese sticks
1.5 oz bag of almonds

7pm
Beef and Vegetable Stir Fry
Avacado Salad (avacado, tomato, bacon, and lettuce)

Activity

7am: CrossFit warmup followed by "Linda" (30.01)
12n: an hour of light chores
4pm: 30 minutes of light chores

Snow on the Pickets

Snow on the Pickets
February 12, 2010

I had dinner with Myesha last night. I haven't seen her since July when we were both going through tough times. It was great to catch up and find that we are both in better places now. Our conversation covered the gamut, but mostly we talked about nutrition and CrossFit.

Myesha suggested Top Spice for dinner. Good choice. It's easy to do just meat and vegetables there, and with all the spices it felt like a real treat. The waiter brought the steamed rice, but we were so busy gabbing that we didn't even bother to have him take it away. It was not a temptation for either of us.

I'm still getting into trouble with nuts. You can't really tell the extent of the problem from what I've been posting. "Blueberries and Nuts" doesn't really describe that I ate nearly an entire 6-oz can of almonds in one sitting. So I'm coming clean this morning, and I've decided to eliminate whole nuts from the house for a while. I'll keep the pre-sliced almonds to use as a garnish on salads or fruit, but I need to break this patten of eating nuts like I used to eat candy. I'd rather be fit and fabulous by fifty than eat nuts by the can.

Today I'm heading to the office in Marietta. I'll post my food journal at the end of the day.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

9am
Breakfast On-the-Go
2 cheese sticks
1/4 cup almonds (really, it was just 1/4 cup)
apple
coffee with cream

1pm
1/4 cup almonds (that's the last of that 6-0z can of almonds -- no more whole nuts in the house for a while)

2pm
ground beef patty topped with a slice of cheddar cheese
steamed brocolli

8pm
grilled salmon with vegetables
apple with sliced almonds

Activity

830am: short walk; about 1/2 mile
530pm: a quick CrossFit warmup followed by "Tabata This!"

Getting Real, Day 3

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

9am
coffee with cream
2 eggs
2 sausage patties
orange

11am (yes, I'm hungry again.)
2 sausage patties
coffee with cream

2pm
almonds and blueberries

4pm
orange

630pm
Dinner at Top Spice with Myesha!
Spicy Vegetables with Chicken (yummy!)


Activity
730am: CF warmup and Rest Day Bonus WOD, a 12 minute AMRAP of pullups, situps, and rowing
1pm: 1+ mile walk

Getting Real, Day 2

Food Journal
6am
coffee with cream

9am
2 eggs with 1 T butter
2 sausage patties
coffee with cream
orange

2pm
small turkey chef salad with blue cheese dressing (Publix prepared salad)

430pm
1/2 cup blueberries
1/4 cup almonds
coffee with cream

730pm
Ground beef patty on mixed greens with tomato and onion
steamed brocolli
blueberries and quite a few too many almonds

I keep getting into trouble with too many nuts. I wasn't hungry. . . just kept eating them. It's a behavior that I want to change because it's not getting me what I want.



Activity
7am: CrossFit warmup. Then ~20-minute metcon.
12n: 30 minutes of light housework
530pm: 1-mile walk

Getting Real

February 14, 2010

215 pounds

I've been trying for a while now to get re-focused on losing weight. I spent the last six months learning all about paleo/primal eating and getting stronger, faster, fitter, and happier. Now I'm ready to get down to business and shed the excess weight. To assist me in doing this, I decided to tighten up this blog and limit access to close friends who I know want only the best for me. This will allow me to really get real and not worry about who's reading or what people are thinking of me. I plan to use the blog as a means of support, structure, and accountability. I need all three to lose weight.

Thanks for stopping by and reading this. I can't promise that the blog will be entertaining or motivating or any of that stuff. My commitment is to be honest and real. And I honestly, really want to drop the fat. It is soooo not me anymore.

Food Journal

9am

coffee with cream

2 eggs scrambled

2 sausage patties

Noon

coffee with cream

3:30

Paleo Chili (ground beef, vegetables, and spices)

1/2 apple

1/4 cup sliced almonds

herbal tea

8:30

Paleo Chili (ground beef, vegetables, and spices

Fruit salad (1/2 apple, 1 orange, 1/4 cup sliced almonds)

Activity

10am: 1-mile walk

11am: CrossFit warmup and 8 minute AMRAP

4pm: 1-mile walk

A Farm, A Freezer, and A Crock Pot

Monday night supper.

I recently discovered Nature's Harmony Farm in Elberton, Georgia owned by Tim and Liz Young. This is a family-owned, sustainable, pasture-based farm that sells directly to local consumers. I'm still learning about them, but I am thrilled to have discovered this resource. Following is a quote from the farm's website that sums up what this jewel is all about:
"What do we mean by sustainable? We mean no artificial fertilizers, no growth hormones, no antibiotics and no keeping animals penned up. Our cattle forage on grass with sheep browsing what the cows don't eat. Chickens (pastured broilers and layers) follow the grazers, spreading fertilizer naturally, and follow their instincts by foraging for insects and scratching on the ground. Our beautiful hardwoods are the perfect environment for rare breed pigs, who are free to use their terrific "plows" to hunt acorns, tubers and all kinds of great treats."
The Young's offer farm tours now and then, and I can't wait to visit. I had the opportunity to buy some meat from them recently. I picked it up on Saturday. My order included 12 pounds of ground beef, pork chops, a beef roast, a ham roast, and a chicken. So my little freezer is stocked.
Today I cooked the first item from my Nature's Harmony stash: pork chops! I put them in the crock pot this morning with a little chicken broth, salt and pepper. I laid a piece of foil over the top of the pork chops and placed two sweet potatoes, each wrapped in foil, on top of the foil layer covering the chops. Then I set the crock pot on low and let it cook all day long. Tonight, to round it out, I cooked up a pot of collard greens. I used the frozen ones because they are easy and quick. This supper was delicious, and I have leftovers for three more meals.

Curious and Hard to Believe

2010 is in full swing now, and it's time to get back to normal. For the most part, things have righted themselves. However, since my birthday is January 7, it seems it is always the second week of January before I'm totally back to my routine.

It's been five months now since I made big changes in my diet by eliminating (for the most part) grains, sugar, and other refined carbohydrates. I haven't blogged much recently about this, but now with the holidays behind us, I think it's a perfect time to give an update. Let me start by saying that for the first time in my life, I weighed less after my birthday (this morning) than I did before Thanksgiving. That's right. I lost weight during the holidays! And I wasn't dieting. Like most people, I indulged --a few cookies here, some fudge there, sweet potato pie, a glass of wine now and then, and birthday cake of course. There were times when I definitely over did it. When I allow myself to have sweets and other refined carbs, it's so easy to get into trouble. They are addictive for me. A little something sweet has always left me wanting MORE SUGAR. The same thing happened this holiday season.

The difference this year was that over-indulging made me sick. I can't handle the sugar anymore. When I over do it, I feel terrible. I become tired and depressed. I don't sleep well. I have a persistent headache, and my vertigo returns. I've had a problem with vertigo off and on for years. Since going low-carb, I've discovered that my bouts with vertigo are associated (possibly always) with over-indulgence of refined carbohydrates. I found this curious and hard to believe. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but I proved it on three separate occasions over the last six weeks. (Hopefully, I'm done testing that scenario for a while). I did more reading on the subject and found a recommendation in some of the literature that eliminating sugar from the diet can help with vertigo. Of course my doctor never mentioned this to me. She knew of my struggle with sugar; we had discussed it many times. She said there was really nothing that could be done for my chronic vertigo; "just treat the symptoms by taking meclazine for the dizziness until it passes." That's right. Keep eating the standard American diet so that you can keep taking the standard American drugs for the rest of your life. . . so sad and so true. I'm grateful to have found a better way.

So that's my update: The excess weight is slowly coming off. I feel better than ever, my performance in the gym continues to improve, and I'm not dieting. Curious and hard to believe.

Happy New Year

A single, old-fashioned Christmas light shines brightly against the winter woods,
framed perfectly by the porch railings of the cabin.

That photograph is one of my favorites from the Christmas holidays. I took it on Christmas Eve at the cabin, mid-afternoon, just before the rain started. It was a cold, gray day, but I was happy, toasting pecans in the oven, and preparing to head over to Mama's house for the family festivities. I never got around to sharing it with you during the holidays so I decided to use it today. For me it captures the slight melancholy that I feel now that we must return to normal. The lights are out. The parties are over. Work looms on Monday. I'm a little sad to see it all end.

Time to turn our view to the future. It's a new year. And a new decade. Rather than looking back, we can look forward to a fresh year with a fresh start. Maybe you've set some resolutions for yourself. I think it's in vogue now to say that you don't do New Year's resolutions. But I do. I'm always setting goals for myself and trying to improve in this area or that. It's just my nature. And of course, I fail a lot and have to start over. Or adjust my expectations. But still, I like setting goals and thinking about what I want for myself and others in the future. I won't bore you with all the details of my 2010 resolutions. Suffice it to say that I continue to pursue good health and happiness. And I wish the same for you.

A friend of mine posted the following quote on her Facebook page on New Year's Day. I liked it a lot. I hope you do too. Happy New Year, friends.

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.
~Henry Ward Beecher~