Worth Remembering

"May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten."
--Irish Blessing

Worth Remembering in 2008

Barack Obama
Sarah Palin

The Fifth Wish

Double-Unders

Plank Push-ups

CFED's First Year

The Park

Mobile CrossFit Unit

Passing the Pigs

Abraham

Happy Grateful Bits

Tooting Your Horn

Pink Shanties

Hilda

24" Box

Duy Huynh
New puppies, JC & Ami

Melvin's 9th year

March trip to McBee

The Cabin

Shopping with Jack

Jack & Leela

Christmas in Suceava

Abbie all grown up

Joseph not far behind

Mama & Lamar enjoying life

Sisters I love

A Full Life.

Merry Christmas

No one says it better than Linus.
--from A Charlie Brown Christmas

Wishing you peace and joy in each moment, and hope for the future.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Much Love,
Pat

The Fifth Wish

“There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality.”

Jonas Salk

Last week when we shared our Wish Lists, Sheryl's fifth wish was "The secret wish that shall be revealed shortly." I chimed in a little later that I also have a "number five." Sheryl and I are both very close to revealing our fifth wish. Dreams really can come true.

The Power of Now

"Rebirth"
by Duy Hunyh

Eckart Tolle wrote a booked called The Power of Now. I have not read it, so this is not a commentary on his book. But I have had my own revelations recently about the power of now. In each moment, we have the power to create our reality by the choices we make.

Yesterday was one of those days for me--one of those days that could easily have become a really crappy day. I even thought of a great blog title for it, "Oh Crappy Day." And when I googled "Oh Crappy Day", I found lots of people have blogged under that topic. There are songs and videos with that title. I checked out a couple of the blogs that popped up in my search, and not surprisingly, I found a litany of bad news and complaining. I found case studies in how to squander the power of now. I found a lot of victims.

Looking back on my day, I see the tremendous power in each moment and in each choice that I made. And for the most part, I chose well. I tried to remain positive. I was aware of my choice to be optimistic or to cultivate a negative situation and make it even worse. I did my best to lean in a positive direction, to reach for something better instead of something worse. I did my best not to take on the role of the victim--the one with no control--the one with no power.

Towards the end of my day, as I settled into my truck for a two-hour return drive home, I found myself pulling into one of those Travel-America places. I didn't need gasoline. I needed sugar. I needed to numb my feelings. I bought a Haagen Daz ice cream bar and a Pay Day candy bar. Before I got back on the expressway, before I even unwrapped the ice cream bar, my cell phone rang. It was Kath calling just to check in. Too strange! How did she know to call me at this exact moment? Her call interrupted me long enough to snap me back into reality...to remind me of the power of now...my power to choose. I never told Kath about the pit stop I had just made or the ice cream bar melting in my lap. I was dishonest in withholding this information. I still ate the ice cream when we hung up. And later, I ate the candy bar. I'm not proud of these two choices. But I am proud of many of the other choices I made throughout the day. And I'm proud now of my decision to own up to my short-comings and be honest about my frailty and show you more of who I am.

I am proud of this now, this moment, this choice.

Get Your Hopes Up

"Peace and Hope"

by Duy Huynh

How many times has someone said to you, "well, just don't get your hopes up." Maybe you have thought it yourself or said it to someone else? Why say such a thing? It's not because we don't believe or have faith; it's because we do believe. We believe that we will not or cannot change, and we expect more of the same. When we say, "don't get your hopes up," we are basically admitting that we expect to fail--that we do not expect to have what we want. You cannot in one breath say you believe, and in the next breath say, "but I'm not getting my hopes up."

Yesterday we shared our wishes and dreams for the future. Our challenge now is to get our hopes up and expect our dreams to be fulfilled!

Wish List

"Wishlist"
by Pearl Jam

I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off.
I wish I was a sacrifice that somehow still lived on.
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
the Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top,
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the sound
of fifty million hands upraised and opened toward the sky.

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me.
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me.
I wish I was a messenger, and all the news was good.
I wish I was the full moon shining off your camaro's hood.

I wish I was a living being, at home behind the sun,
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on.
I wish I was the pedal break that you depended on.
I wish I was the verb "to trust", and never let you down.

I wish I was a radio song, the one you couldn't turn off,
I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I guess it never stops.

________________________________________

My Wish List

1. A lean body
2. Kipping pull ups
3. My "Mark Darcy"
4. Way more than "enough"
5. A long, happy, healthy life without decline
6. A gracious, kind, patient spirit with everyone
7. Success in all my endeavors
8. Running water and plumbing at the cabin
9. A clean, orderly home and office (right now!)
10. A good nights sleep!

Identifying what you want is half the battle. Saying it out-loud to yourself and others must account for another 10-20%. Expecting and believing gets you the rest of the way. I never understood that saying, "when you least expect it...". Well-meaning, misguided folks have said that to me over the years, especially in regards to meeting my "Mark Darcy". These people had no clue what they were talking about, and it always really aggravated me when they said it. No one could possibly have had less expectation in this regard than me. And that's the problem. Expecting your dreams to come true is absolutely required. I expect to have a lean body in 2009. I expect to get pull ups in 2009. I expect to have "way more than enough", to have a wonderful relationship, to live a long, happy, healthy life up until the moment I die.

I'm expecting good things. What about you? What's on your wish list?

Lose the List

"Amy"

Life is too short to spend one minute listing your perceived flaws. While you are making your list and checking it twice, reciting it to anyone who will listen and providing hard copies for those who won't, life is grooving on by. And who knows what (or whom) you are missing in the process?

I'm done with pointing out my flaws. And when that voice inside my head attempts to remind me of them (like right now), I'm just plugging my ears and shouting at the top of my lungs, "I can't hear you anymore!" I like me. And I don't even need to make a list of reasons why to convince myself or you. I just like me and think I'm pretty cool.

Now I think I'll go outside and see if anyone is calling my name. ;-)

Party Girls

" Party Girls"
Naomi, Kath, Ashley, Pat, Sheryl, Shana

I hope everyone had a restful weekend. Or productive, or fun, or whatever kind of weekend you intended to have. I went to Sheryl's party Friday evening, and that was a lot of fun. I got to see her friend, Katrina again. I first met her last year when I "crashed" Sheryl's party. Katrina remembered me, and that made me feel good. It's funny how a little thing like that can make you feel good. It's good to be remembered. I also met Sheryl's sister, niece and nephew, hairdresser, and other friends. Sheryl has a lot of friends! I'm not surprised. And of course, I got to hangout with some CrossFit friends which is always fun.

I ate before going to the party. That was my plan for staying away from the party food. I managed fairly well, but I did succumb to a sliver of the chocolate cake that Jax made. It was worth every calorie! And after the 150 box hops, 63 130-pound dead-lifts, and 90 pull-ups I had done in the WOD earlier, I figured a couple of bites of cake would be okay.

I was reasonably successful the rest of the weekend with my efforts to "Begin Again." I kept a food journal and did some good work on emotional eating. I intend to have a good week -- in every respect, not just the food arena. I hope you do as well.

Begin Again

"Moment of Clarity"

by Duy Huynh

I am tired. Tired of accepting less than the best for myself. Tired of disappointing myself and others. Tired of failure. Tired of taking two steps forward and five steps backward. Tired of not allowing myself to have what I really want. Tired of making excuses. Tired of sabotaging myself. Tired of putting up barriers and stuffing down feelings. Tired of carrying around this burden. Tired of starting over. Tired of avoiding. Tired of waiting. Tired of talking. I am tired of wandering around just outside my Promised Land. I am ready to go on inside and take what is mine. I am ready to do the hard work required of me.

It is time to begin again.

The Fragrance of Apology

"The Offering"
by Duy Huynh

"Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift."
~Margaret Lee Runbeck

On Tuesday morning, I stopped in Dancing Goats to have coffee and get a little work done before heading across town to Marietta. I bought a coffee, grabbed one of the comfy chairs, pulled out my laptop and got to work. A little while later, immersed in my work, I was interrupted by two mothers with toddlers in tow. The women instructed the children to climb into the chair right beside me. (Yes, that is two children in one chair right beside me.) They then placed two chocolate milks and a crumbled mess that used to be a muffin on the side table right next to my cellphone and laptop. Oblivious to the rest of us, and most definitely to me, the two women headed over to sit on the sofa a few feet away, leaving their toddlers to irritate the you-know-what out of me. I felt the indignation rising up in me. But I decided to be nice and just move to another location. But "nice" is not what came out of me. Rather than saying, "I'll let you have this space for your children," I snapped something like, "well I guess I'll move since you have taken over this space." Ugh. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Before I said it, I regretted it. As I walked away, I felt like a big, hulking, child-hating feminist. I felt mean and ugly. With every step to the opposite end of the building, I felt worse. And then it occurred to me that I did not have to let this ruin their day or mine. I could apologize. So I walked back towards the two women to offer my apology. As I approached, they looked afraid. Maybe it was my imagination, but I think they both held on to their children a little tighter. And then I said the magic words that changed everything. "I'm sorry." Immediately they beamed and said, "no, we're sorry." The conversation went back and forth about how we were all sorry for the situation and wished we had handled it differently. They thanked me profusely for coming back over to apologize. As I walked away the second time, I found myself smiling, feeling gracious and beautiful.

Happy 30th Birthday, Gnomes!

"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty."

- Robert Frost

I Wish For You...

Comfort on difficult days,

Smiles when sadness intrudes,

Rainbows to follow the clouds,

Laughter to kiss your lips,

Sunsets to warm your heart,

Gentle hugs when spirits sag,

Friendships to brighten your being,

Beauty for your eyes to see,

Confidence for when you doubt,

Faith so that you can believe,

Courage to know yourself,

Patience to accept the truth,

And love to complete your life.

--author Unknown

A Second Chance

"Dreams of Flight"
by Duy Huynh

Every breath is a second chance. To give your bad mood a makeover. To stop checking your 401(k) balance. To wean yourself from Wolf Blitzer. To remember the cloth grocery bags instead of leaving them in the car. To break out of an old holding pattern. To cultivate compassion from the inside out--we all need a little Me Tenderizer. To shrink your elastic waistband. To become a dog person. To read yourself around the world if you can't afford a ticket. To bail yourself out of debt. To talk face to face instead of on Facebook. To change the plot of your life story. To do a somersault--how long has it been? To give wings to your grounded dreams.

--from the December cover of Skirt Magazine

Decking the Halls

This past weekend was prime time for decking the halls. Many of my neighbors have lights twinkling in the window, outlining the house, and draped over shrubbery. It's pretty. And the cold weather makes it even more beautiful.

As for me, I managed to break out my favorite Christmas candle, "Aunt Sadie's Tree in a Can." It smells just like the real thing. I wasn't feeling well on Saturday so I lit this candle, crawled under the covers and stayed there all afternoon. It was wonderful. I bought several of these candles this past week at Heliotrope in Decatur. Sunday afternoon I drove over to visit my mom and sister, and I gave each of them a "tree in a can." It's become a tradition--I give this candle every year as an early Christmas gift for each to enjoy throughout the season.

After a short visit with my mom over coffee, I went over to my cabin to string the Christmas lights around the perimeter of the porch. I use the old fashioned ones--like Snoopy has in the picture above. The lights are on a timer so they come on every night at dusk and stay on for several hours. With the trees now mostly naked, you can see the lights in the distance, through the woods from my parents house. The lights are my Christmas card to my mom and step dad--wishing them a Merry Christmas every night of the season.

Burning it at Both Ends

I burn my candle at both ends,

It will not last the night.

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends,

It gives a lovely light.

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I have been burning my candle at both ends for a while now. When you do this, you get more done in the short term of course. The "light" you produce is brighter. But then comes the burnout if this goes on for too long. I'm looking forward to this weekend so that I can burn my candle at just one end.

Sorry for neglecting this blog. Hopefully, today's post provides an explanation.

Soup's On

" Still Life with Soup Tureen"

by Paul Cezanne

1839-1906

Mmmm. Soup. It's a good thing. It feeds both body and soul. It warms you when you are cold. It comforts you when you are blue. It soothes you when you are sick. It is easy to make and easy on the budget. It is actually better the second day than the first. It's a complete meal in a bowl. What could be better than that?

Several of you expressed interest in Melissa's Taco Soup recipe, so I asked her to share it with us (see below). And I am sharing a recipe that I first tried several years ago. It's called New Year's Day Soup, but it's great any day. It has become a winter favorite of mine.

Please share your favorite soup recipe, if you have one.

Taco Soup
Courtesy of Melissa Riegert

1 medium onion (diced)
1 large green or red pepper-or both (diced)
All chicken breast meat from rotisserie (shredded)
2 cans diced tomatoes
2 cans beans (pinto, kidney, black, whatever) (drained and rinsed)
Frozen corn (1/2 bag, whole bag, whatever)
Frozen veggies (I use whatever I have around, ie. Green beans, spinach, etc.)
2 packets lower sodium taco seasoning
1 ½ boxes lower sodium chicken broth

Directions: Sauté Onion and green pepper in large stock/soup pot until mostly soft. Add shredded meat, tomatoes, beans, corn, veggies, and taco seasoning. Mix a little. Add chicken broth to cover. May need less or may need more than above (Depends on amount of veggies added). Mix well and bring to a boil. Once boiling cover and let simmer maybe 10 minutes. Soup is done. I portion it out into plastic containers and freeze them. Before I freeze them, I also add 1 tsp olive oil to each container. Just grab one and go for lunch.

New Year's Day Soup
Southern Living, January 2000

Yield: 10 cups

Ingredients
1 cup diced lean ham
2 celery ribs, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 (15-ounce) cans black-eyed peas, undrained
2 (14 1/2-ounce) cans low-sodium, fat-free chicken broth
2 (14 1/2-ounce) cans no-salt-added stewed tomatoes, undrained
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can no-salt-added diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce
1 1/2 cups chopped fresh spinach
1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Garnish: chopped fresh spinach

Preparation
Saute first 5 ingredients over medium heat in a Dutch oven until vegetables are tender. Stir in black-eyed peas and next 4 ingredients; bring mixture to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 20-30 minutes. Stir in 1 1/2 cups spinach, parsley, and pepper at the last minute. Garnish, if desired.

Nutritional Information
Calories: 144
Fat: 1.4g
Cholesterol: 7mg
Sodium: 538mg

The Most Fattening Time of the Year

It's the Most Fattening Time of the Year

by Bob Rivers

(a parody of  "The Most Wondering Time of the Year")

It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year

It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall
It’s the heav-heaviest season of all

There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago

It’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
It’s the scale flattening time of the year

There’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll

It’s the most fattening time of the year
All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear

It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year

Thanksgiving Day

The Cabin

(picture taken 11/08/08)

It is a beautiful, cold morning here at the cabin. I am sitting in my comfy, cozy, second-hand swivel rocker sipping the best cup of coffee you can imagine. The sun is breaking through the trees which are already nearly bare. Winter has come early this year. The woods are still and quiet. Melvin is sitting in front of the kerosene heater, looking out the french doors, woofing under his breath at something...not sure what.

My family is gathering at my mom and step dad's house today for the Thanksgiving celebration. My brother, Jack is coming. My sister, Jolyn lives next door to my mom, so she is already present. Also coming are my sister, Myra and her husband, Phil along with their children, Abbie and Joseph. Abbie is 21, and Joseph is 16. Hard to believe. Time is flying by.

I am missing Daddy this morning. He always loved Thanksgiving. He loved the family-time and the big meal. He especially loved the dressing and the sweet potato pies.

We will be overrun with dogs today. Mama and Lamar have big 'ole hearts when it comes to animals, so they regularly take in strays. Their current herd is comprised of Rodie, Pearl, Shilo, and Josie. Jolyn has two dogs, Tucker and Sonny. Jack is bringing his dog, JC. Of course, I have Melvin. Nephew Joseph just got a new puppy, Ami. You get the picture. We love dogs! And they all love it here because they can run around free on the 24 acres. It's a dog's paradise.

And then there are the cats. Alice is a Siamese first rescued by Jack back in the 1990's. We don't know how old she is, but we know she is old. She is now Mama's cat, and Mama loves that cat! Then there is Lucy, a big, beautiful calico. And the youngest is Mimi, also a calico. Jolyn has two cats, Katie and Boone. I also have two cats, Teddie and Rudy. But if you know anything about cats, you know they don't travel well, so Teddie and Rudy are at home in Decatur.

I had not planned to write anything for the blog today, but I felt inspired by this day, what it means, and all the memories it evokes. I truly have a wonderful life, and my heart is full of gratitude today.

That's a Lot of Pie!

The sweet potato pies are baked, and I'm heading to the country to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I want to thank each of you for your friendship and support this year, especially in recent months since the start of this blog.

Wishing you all a restful, happy, safe holiday. See you on the blog again on Monday, December 1.

Thanksgiving Week

Persimmons

photograph by Jack Culpepper

Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation

(from the collection of Lincoln's papers in the Library of America series, Vol II, pp. 520-521)

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union. It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God; to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations are blessed whose God is the Lord.

- Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation October 3, 1863

Hilda CrossFits!

Who knew? Hilda loves CrossFit just like the rest of us!

__________________________________________________________________________________

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

Wild Ride

I had a crazy dream last night. I usually don't remember my dreams, but I remember this one. I dreamed that I was on a wild boat ride. People were standing all around watching me, but no one was saying anything--just watching. I wanted to stop the boat, but I couldn't. Finally the out-of-control boat hit a big rock, bringing it to a stop. Then I discovered a hole in the boat where it had rammed into the bolder. The boat was taking on water. I began apologizing for the wild ride and the damage to my boat--which I could not control, but I apologized anyway.

I don't own a boat, and I never go boating. I think this dream must be about uncharted waters, and my fears about the possible wild ride ahead. I decided to write about it because I have been eating like crazy the last two days. I have a lot on my mind right now, and I'm stressed. These are typical conditions that lead me to overeat...I can't control what's going on around me, but there is one thing I can control--my eating. So I take control by eating out of control? Now that's crazy.

Here's to getting a grip today.

You are Beautiful

"You are Beautiful"

by Jon Gilson

courtesy of Again Faster

If I were feeling a little more lawless, I’d gather all the copies of Cosmo and Seventeen, douse them in kerosene, and strike a match. I’d throw in reams of print ads from Calvin Klein and watch with delight as Kate Moss’ stick-thin image was reduced to carbon. I’d add copies of Shape and Runner’s World until the flames reached toward the heavens, and then I’d crank call the editorial desk at Muscle and Fitness until they stopped publishing pictures of women on steroids.

I’d get the master tapes of America’s Next Top Model and dub over them with “Nasty Girls”, broadcasting the results on every television station in America. I’d sky write “CrossFit.com” across the Boston skyline, and gently admonish the hoards of long distance runners trotting along the Charles River—with a bullhorn. I’d take every woman with mass media-induced ideals of beauty, and I’d show them what it really means to be beautiful.

Beautiful women are strong and powerful. They are athletes, capable of every feat under the sun. They have muscles, borne of hard work and sweat. They gauge their self-worth through accomplishments, not by the numbers on the bathroom scale. They understand that muscle weighs more than fat, and they love the fact that designer jeans don’t fit over their well-developed quads.

They know that high repetitions using light weights is a path to mediocrity, and “toning” is a complete and utter myth. They refuse to succumb to the marketers that prey on insecurity, leaving the pre-packaged diet dinners and fat-burning pills on the shelf to pass their expiration date.

Beautiful women train with intensity. They derive self-image from the quality of their work and their ability to excel. They don’t wear makeup to the gym, and they would not be caught dead with a vinyl pink dumbbell. They move iron, they do pull-ups, they jump, sprint, punch, and kick, and they use the elliptical machine—as a place to hang their jump rope.

They spend their weekends in sport, climbing walls, winning races, and running rivers. They laugh as they sprint circles around the unschooled, turning the image-obsessed into bench warmers.

Beautiful women don’t care if they’re soaked in sweat and covered in dirt, if their nails are chipped or their hair out of place. They care only about quality of life. Beautiful women are happy, healthy, and strong, and they’re right there beside me, tossing conventional beauty on the ever-growing flames of what used to be.

Be beautiful.

Seeing is Being

Have you heard of this idea of Deliberate Creation? It goes hand-in-hand with the Law of Attraction. If you believe that your thoughts determine your reality, then it follows that you can create the reality you want by being deliberate about your thoughts. Too wacky for you? Well, think about it a little longer. We all know that visualization is powerful. The field-goal kicker pictures the ball going through the uprights before he kicks it. The ice skater visualizes a triple axle with the perfect landing many, many times before she delivers it. We've all heard the stories of the power of visualization, especially related to sports achievements, and maybe we have even experienced it ourselves.

The most amazing story I have ever heard about the power of visualization is that of Major James Nesmeth. He was a so-so golfer with a typical score in the mid-90's when his life was interrupted by seven years in a POW camp in North Vietnam. During his seven-year imprisonment, he was kept in a small 5x5 foot cell. For nearly the entire length of his imprisonment, he saw no one, talked to no one, and was allowed no physical activity. During the first few months, he did nothing but hope and pray for his release. And then he realized that he had to find a way to occupy his mind or else lose his sanity. So he began playing golf in his mind everyday. He visualized every stroke, every step, every detail of the game. Four hours per day everyday for seven years. After his release from prison and return home, he shot a 74 on his first game of golf. That is an amazing testament to the power of the mind and our thoughts.

So I am trying to visualize the change I want. I sat down earlier tonight to write about it--to document how I want to look and feel without this extra weight. Talk about writer's block! I had no words to describe it--no picture in my mind. Now that is telling! Bingo!! I think I'm on to something here. I will be working on creating this visualization, documenting it, memorizing it, and going over it in my mind everyday. Because, as with everything in life, if I cannot see it, I cannot be it.

Darn Right

We are quickly approaching the end of the 9-week challenge. I hope everyone is feeling good about the progress they have made towards their goals. I feel good about the "inside" work I have done. I've written about some of it here on this blog, as you know, and I'm pleased with that. My other nutrition goal was to keep a food journal. I have not done well on that goal, so I'm recommitting myself to doing that for the next two weeks. Regarding my fitness goal of being able to run a sub-9 mile. I am faster, and I will have a sub-9 mile soon--not sure exactly when, but soon.

How are the rest of you doing? And remember, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. So whatever your progress, it is your choice how you view it. You can choose to take a positive view or a negative view. Taking a positive view is productive and will propel you forward. Taking a negative view will only slow you down.

This Time of Year

I love this time of year. It puts me in such a happy mood. I'm not complaining that the holiday lights are already up in Decatur. It doesn't bother me that Starbucks broke out the red cups and added the gingerbread latte to their menu the day after Halloween. Last week, I was shopping at Target during lunch and stumbled upon the holiday section; they had ripped out the Halloween display and were in the process of replacing it with Christmas. I didn't fuss for a second about it being too early; I just wandered the aisles and took it all in. I love all the trinkets and decorations, the beautiful ribbon and wrapping paper, the cards, and the lights.

Yesterday's cold, blustery weather was perfect too. Waves of leaves floated from the sky, sometimes just a few, sometimes lots all at once. They have gathered ankle-deep at the edge of the rode where the curb meets my yard. The overcast sky reminded me of my favorite holiday album, December by George Winston. I played it yesterday for the first of many times this season. It captures the mood of this season perfectly--the joy, thanksgiving, hope, and even the melancholy that will inevitably come by year's end when we must pack it all away. But for now, the season is ours to enjoy, and I am happy to get a head start and make it last as long as possible.

Go with the Flow

Lately I've been reading and learning about The Law of Attraction. You are probably familiar with the concept--our thoughts, both conscious and unconscious, determine the reality of our lives. If you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you will have it. On the other hand, focusing attention and thought on what you don't want means you'll probably get that instead.

One of the basic principals of the Law of Attraction is to go with the flow--the idea being that if you are struggling too hard maybe you are focusing too much energy on what you don't want rather than on what you do want. And as a result, that's what you are drawing into your life--what you don't want. Rather than rowing like crazy to get upstream, let go and go with the flow. Let the stream carry you along to what you want. My first reaction to this idea was "no way!" It sounds like blasphemy! It's un-American. I am nothing if not a hard worker. I worked hard in school, worked my way through college, worked hard in my career; I have worked hard for everything in my life. I take great pride in my work ethic.

But what if it's true? How else can you explain that I can work so hard to lose weight (and change behaviors) but continue to get what I don't want and do what I don't want to do? How else can you explain that I have been able to achieve most everything I've put my mind to, and yet I still struggle in this one area. What if what I really want isn't upstream at all, but downstream? What if rather than rowing like crazy, all I have to do is let go and let the stream carry me? Let go and let God. Surrender.

Have a Laugh

Inside Out

"My Wild Abstract Heart"

by Kris Cahill

The following is an excerpt from Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth.

I began to see that I couldn't hate my body and appreciate myself, that one was a reflection of the other. I saw that eating was not the problem. And that by treating it as if it were--by dieting, depriving myself, hating my body--I was treating symptoms without working on their cause. I saw that I needed to work from the "inside out," from my feelings, my dreams, my angers, rather than from the "outside in," which began with my body. Being fat, it seemed, was fulfilling certain needs, and unless I dealt with those needs, I could lose weight many times and gain it back just as often in order to continue meeting those needs. I learned that I couldn't take away compulsive eating unless I replaced it with understanding and acceptance.

What needs am I meeting by remaining overweight? Clearly, for some reason, I am reluctant, resistant, to moving beyond this point. Being overweight provides an excuse for me to keep delaying things--I 'll do that when I lose weight. I'll start dating when I lose weight. I'll jump on the 24-inch box when I lose weight. And, "overweight" is who I am on the inside...it's the self-image that has been ingrained, cultivated, reinforced in me since I was a little girl. It's hard to be something on the outside that is different from what you feel and see on the inside.

So here's to changing from the inside out!

Jump for Joy!

“It's possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things”

-Unknown-

I jumped on the 24-inch box last night. 55 times! The last time we did box jumps, Shana made a passing comment to me that it was about time for me to move up to the 24-inch box from the 20-inch box. My first thought was, "I can't jump on a 24-inch box. I can barely make it atop the 20-inch box. I can't move up to the 24-inch box until I drop more weight." Of course I didn't say this out loud for fear that Shana would make me do burpees as punishment for my negative, self-defeated thinking. So I kept my thoughts to myself--even though these were not totally unreasonable thoughts. After all, there are all kinds of legitimate reasons why I should not be able to jump from a dead standing position to the top of a 24-inch box--not the least of which is the fact that I have had my feet planted firmly on the ground my entire life! And now I am 47 years old, too late in life to be jumping, for goodness sake. People my age don't jump. I mean really--I could take a tumble and hurt myself. It's scary and dangerous. All kinds of good reasons not to try the 24-inch box.

But then I remembered back to last November when I first started working out with Shana. I was jumping on a 12-inch box at the time, and I was proud of it. One of the first things Shana said to me was, "PAT, you've got to move up to a bigger box!" Those of you who know Shana know the tone in her voice and the look she gave me. So in December of last year, she had me attempt an 18" box. I remember standing in front of that 18" box, frozen in fear. Finally, with lots of encouragement and Shana standing right beside me, I managed to just do it. There was a big celebration in the gym; Chuck came running out of the office to witness the next one. It was a great feeling!

Later I moved up to a 20-inch box, and that's where I have stayed until now. In my mind, 20-inches is plenty high. I get a great workout ripping out box jumps on the 20-inch box. Why rock the boat?

But that's what coaches are for--to rock our boats and keep us from becoming satisfied with "pretty good". So when I saw box jumps were in the workout, I decided that I would attempt the 24-inch jumps. With Shana on one side of the box and Marshall on the other, without thinking about it too much, I hauled off and jumped up onto that 24-inch box. And what do you know? I can jump on a 24-inch box.

A Peek in the Rear View Mirror

Do you ever feel like you are working really hard and going no where? Naomi (Gnomes) and I were talking after the workout last night, and she said she feels like her progress has slowed a little lately. Melissa expressed similar feelings about her progress. I have certainly felt that way before; I'm pretty sure we all have. For me, it usually happens when I get too focused on what I have yet to achieve rather than on what I have already accomplished and how far I have come.

I thought we might focus today on how we have changed and how our lives have improved in recent months. Sometimes it helps to look back and celebrate accomplishments -- to take a mental break from staring at the next goal. So, take a peek in the rear view mirror. What's different about you now? Are you stronger? Faster? Happier? Do you sleep better? Do you show up at the gym several times each week and workout?

I'll start by listing a few changes in my life over the last few months:

1. I launched this blog which has been a tremendous blessing in my life. It helps me so much to hear from all of you on a regular basis. And I discovered a knack for writing.
2. I have made so many new friends since CFED opened on June 1. Rachel, Melissa, Miki, Marshall, Ashley, Myesha, and more.
3. I am so much faster and getting faster every week. That sub-9 mile is just a matter of time.
4. I am learning more about myself and why I struggle with emotional eating.
5. I am much stronger and prove it every time we have a heavy lifting day at the gym.

Now it's your turn!

Before it Fades Away

" Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."

-Albert Camus

I gathered this collection of leaves on my walk yesterday afternoon. The leaves were so colorful, and I thought they would make a beautiful arrangement. We gather flowers for bouquets, why not leaves?

As I was sitting at my desk, trying to work, this view from my office kept calling me to go for a walk. It seemed the leaves on these trees had peaked overnight. And just as quickly they will pass. These glorious fall days are fleeting, and we need to enjoy them while we can. So I gave in and went for a walk. Melvin was thrilled.

The maples around the neighborhood are on fire with autumn's glory. The oakleaf hydrangea in my yard has great big leaves, bigger than my hand, and brilliant red. The crape myrtles are covered in beautiful orange leaves, and the Virginia Creeper is starting to turn. The solomon's seal in the backyard is fading away for winter, but in its twilight it has turned a beautiful yellow. I don't think I ever noticed the beauty of passing solomon's seal before today. I think the fading solomon's seal may be a metaphor for life--it gets richer and brighter as we grow older, but we have to be willing to take notice.

My heart sang at the sight of this ginko tree downtown. Its leaves are a perfectly ripe yellow and still clinging to the tree. It is a beautiful site if you can catch it before the leaves fall. But even as they begin to fall it will be eye-popping with the bright yellow leaves on the green lawn. Breath-taking. Notice it if you can. It is located just down from the intersection of Clairemont and Ponce, near the Holiday Inn. And don't just drive by and glance at it. Leave the car at home or park it. Take a stroll by this ginko tree. Stop and admire it. Soak up its beauty before it fades away.

When Food is Love

I went on my first diet when I was ten, and I have been dieting, or feeling guilty for not dieting, ever since. Dieting and losing weight have been major themes of my life for as long as I can remember. I want to be free of this burden. In order to change, I have to do some hard emotional work. I don't want to do it. But I also don't want to stay where I am. I may have finally reached a point where it is more painful not to change than it is to change. I hope so.

It would be easy to just write about diets, menus, and exercise everyday. But that is not what I need. If that were the answer, I would have solved this long ago. So I will be focusing even more on the emotional work that I need to do and sharing with you what I'm learning.

I am currently reading When Food is Love by Geneen Roth. The following excerpt really spoke to me .

"As long as my attention was consumed by what I ate, what size clothes I wore, how much cellulite I had on the backs of my legs, and what my life would be like when I finally lost the weight, I could not be deeply hurt by another person. When I felt rejected by someone, I reasoned that he or she was rejecting my body, not me, and that when I got thin, things would be different.

I thought I wanted to be thin; I discovered that what I wanted was to be invulnerable.

Diets don't work because food and weight are the symptoms, not the problems. The focus on weight provides a convenient and culturally reinforced distraction from the reasons why so many people use food when they are not hungry. These reasons are more complex than--and will never be solved with--will power, counting calories, and exercise. They have to do with neglect, lack of trust, lack of love, abuse, unexpressed rage, grief, being the object of discrimination, and protection from getting hurt again. People abuse themselves with food because they don't know they deserve better. People abuse themselves because they've been abused. They become self-loathing, unhappy adults not because they've experienced trauma but because they've repressed it."

A Witch, a Rat, and a Roach

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I Feel Wicked

For the first time in my life, tonight I feel wicked.

Halloween: A Time to Re-Invent Yourself

by Byron Meredith

In 2002, you could find me at a Weight Watchers meeting every Thursday at lunch. That same year, Sarah, The Duchess of York, made an appearance in Atlanta in her role as the spokesperson for Weight Watchers. She gave an inspiring presentation to about 2000 Weight Watchers. Following her presentation, they had a drawing for a grand prize: a photo opportunity with The Duchess of York, along with a gift basket that contained several Weight Watcher books and tools, including books written by The Duchess of York. Knowing that I never win anything, I sat in shock as I heard The Duchess of York announce my name and invite me to join her on stage in front of all those people. I nervously walked up to the stage as the cameras flashed! I had my first (and last) brush with the paparazzi and being the envy of thousands! I had my fifteen minutes of fame!

Following the presentation of the gift basket, I adjourned backstage for my photo opportunity. The Duchess talked very frankly with me and a few of my friends who got to join me about her struggles, including a very public divorce from the Royal Family, subsequent financial problems, and a battle with unprecedented weight gain. She talked about reinventing herself and returning to the public eye in a very different role, Spokesperson for Weight Watchers. As we were concluding the photo opportunity, and she was bidding me farewell, she whispered to me, "It is never too late to re-invent yourself!" That comment made an impression on me and has stuck with me in the years since. It reminds me of the quote by George Eliot, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

At Halloween, the costumes allow us to become anyone we want for the evening. We can be a super-hero, a skinny bitch, the President, a sex kitten – whatever we can imagine. Of course, in reality, reinventing ourselves is not quite as easy as donning a costume, but it’s no less true that we can become whatever we imagine if we are willing to do the work. Rather than letting Halloween mark the beginning of two months of over-indulging, why not use it to do some dreaming about and planning for where we want to be on January 1 and beyond. Envision what you want, believe in yourself, and make it happen!

And for fun, instead of stuffing ourselves with candy today, let's have a virtual costume party. You can be anyone or anything you want. Who or what will it be and why?

A Hilda Halloween

To keep Halloween from being so stupid this year (that's a reference to Shana's comment earlier in the week), I thought we might check in with Hilda to see how she is spending the holiday. It probably won't surprise you to hear that she was spotted in the pumpkin patch yesterday in her bikini top and short-shorts selecting the perfect pumpkin. (That girl on the affiliate blog earlier this week who was squat cleaning a pumpkin has nothing on Hilda!)

As you may recall, it was quite cold yesterday--not a good day for gathering pumpkins in your bikini. So, after carving her jack-o-lantern, Hilda took a long hot bath to soothe her aching muscles and ward off the possibility of catching cold.

After a long soak in the tub, Hilda got comfy in her red long johns and settled in by the fire for an evening of ghost stories.

It's clear that Hilda knows how to have fun and entertain herself any day of the year, but especially on Halloween. You've got to love Hilda.

Big Scary Change

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become".

Unknown.

Yesterday when I was feeling so discouraged, Shana had me name specific qualities about myself for which I am grateful and why. This was a great exercise. I sat down last night and wrote a list of five things. One of the items on my list got me thinking about my past goals and accomplishments.

I have a degree in Management Information Systems from UGA, and for years I worked in the software technology field. As I approached my mid-thirties, I knew that I did not want to stay in this field forever. I wanted to make a change. But I was in a great position making lots of money, and it was hard to walk away. There were dozens of reasons to stay right where I was, but my heart wanted something else. So I started planning and preparing to make a change. When I was 40, I resigned my position as Vice President of Development. I was not exactly sure of my next step at the time, but I knew I wanted a different life. I remember someone asking me what I wanted to do next. “I want to combine my love of gardening with my business skills. I would like to find a position that allows me to work from home with a high degree of autonomy and flexibility, and I would like to make a reasonably good income in the process.” The person replied, “well, good luck with that!” Their meaning was clear—you’ll never have what you want.

After my resignation, I took six months off, and then went back to school to study horticulture. While in school, I took a part-time job with McCorkle Nurseries to get some experience and make contacts in the green industry. After finishing school, McCorkle offered me a position in sales, which I took. Over time, I was able to create the analyst position I currently hold—the position I had described years earlier. I envisioned what I wanted and set about creating it.

Thinking about this reminded me that I have been successful in the past at creating big change in my life. Big scary change. The kind of change that is out of the norm; it’s not safe, secure or easy. The same courage and skills that allowed me to walk away from my big corporate job and follow my heart will also enable me to reach my current goals.

We have inside us what it takes to bring about change in our lives--even big scary change.

Danger Ahead, Proceed with Caution

1 Tootsie Roll Pop contains 60 calories.

5 pieces of Candy Corn contain 32 calories.

1 Hershey Kiss contains 26 calories.

To put this in perspective, just remember how many calories you burn/earn in one minute of rowing during Fight Gone Bad--and how bad it hurts!

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We have a pretty scary week ahead of us. There will be candy everywhere. We don't even have to go looking for trouble. It will be in every office, on every desk, and displayed in every store we enter. It will be packaged in tempting little autumn-colored foil wrappers, in the shapes of ghosts, goblins, and jack-o-lanterns. It is available in the cutest miniature sizes right now, perfect for handing out on Halloween. (One for you and two for me). And of course we want to buy it early so that we can take advantage of the best selection. Never mind that we will just have to buy more after we have eaten what we purchased early. And of course we want to buy the good stuff, the miniature Snickers and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups...even though the kids would be just as happy with Twizzlers and Sweet tarts. Not me, when I was a kid I preferred Snickers and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, but I've heard that most normal children like gummy worms, sour candy, and other stuff that I would never be tempted to eat.

Yes, we have a scary week ahead. And just when you think you have survived it, everyone will bring their leftover Halloween candy into the office next Monday. (I never understand these people who have leftover Halloween candy!)

So it's time to buck-up and be strong! Find your steely resolve! Remember what you really want! (What I really want is some candy). Nothing tastes as good as being fit feels! So just say "No" to the candy. Blah, blah, blah... If that doesn't work, you can follow my approach...don't bother coming to my house; the lights will be out. I'm not participating this year.

O Hushed October Morning Mild

photograph by Jack Culpepper

Carolina Sandhills National Wildlife Refuge



October

by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow,
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know;
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away;
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost--
For the grapes' sake along the wall.

Just for a Little While

"Breaking Free of Shadows"

by Glo Bowden

1993 started out as a great year for me. I was 32, my career had really taken off, and I was in the best shape of my life to that point. Three years earlier I lost 50 pounds, and I had successfully maintained the weight loss. I was at my ideal weight. Running was my sport. I regularly ran 10k's, with occasional distances of 15k and the half marathon. I had a great group of friends. My job allowed me to travel to interesting places. I lived and worked in Buckhead, and had a great in-town life. And to top it all off, I was in love--head over heels. This was "the one" for me, and it was mutual! Isn't it great when you fall in love, AND it's mutual?! There truly is nothing better.

But as Mary Chapin Carpenter says in one of her songs, "I gave my heart away once, and I haven't seen it since." In the fall of that year, the relationship ended, and I was heart-broken. So heart-broken that I lost my appetite --- for about four hours. And then I started to eat. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm just going to eat for a little while." I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, just for a little while, to get through this terrible time. I ate to soothe my broken heart, to medicate the depression, and for entertainment on my now empty weekends. I stopped running because I found it difficult to run and cry at the same time. I was a mess.

Five years, and 75 pounds later, I was feeling much better.

I have been struggling with that weight, and more, ever since. What was suppose to be just for a little while turned into a 15 year sentence. A self-imposed 15-year sentence. And every time I choose to overeat, I'm adding more time to that sentence.

It's time to find my heart again. And what I'm learning is that it has been here with me all along. You see, I didn't really give it away, I stuffed it full of pain and covered it up. But I'm uncovering it more and more each day, letting it break free, and fill with joy.

Ground Hog Day

I am posting a repeat of yesterday's challenge. Just like in the gym, when I don't get something the first time, Shana says it again (and again, and again). I cannot count the number of times Shana has said to me, "don't pull with your arms. You are shrugging too early. Open the hip first, then shrug." But you know what? I'm finally starting to make progress on the clean, finally starting to get it--because she kept repeating it over and over, and I kept working at it.

The same must apply even more so to overcoming emotional eating. So I'm staying focused today on the challenge from yesterday. I hope you will too.

Enjoy the rain today. We need it. Praise for rainy days!

Coach's Challenge

by Coach Shana Alverson


Pat's article from yesterday inspired another mini-challenge for our fearless group of bloggers.

Pat is doing a great job getting a handle on her eating by bringing awareness into the picture. Awareness is what becomes necessary when our cravings have turned into compulsion and we begin to blindly reach for the nearest food-drug to calm our discomfort. That's exactly what addiction is; wounded souls trying to mask the fear of dealing with painful emotions with some soothing substance. As a person who's spent some time working the 12 steps, I know that the first one is admitting you have a problem. It's awareness. How can you begin to deal with addictions or compulsions when the behavior is automatic and you don't even realize what you've done until your belly is bloated and your head is spinning and the regret has begun to creep up?

For the rest of the week, I'd like to challenge all of us to catch ourselves numbing out our emotions with food. Then, admit it. This isn't a challenge to try and change the behavior... yet. Just for now, become aware of it and talk about it.

Next time you find yourself on the way to the kitchen and opening the fridge or the cupboard, take a moment to reflect.

"I'm reaching for the **insert craving here** and I'm not hungry. What the hell is going on? Am I stressed, lonely, sad, angry, bored, restless, overwhelmed, afraid?" Give the craving an emotion-name. For example: I'm not calling it a "bag of granola" anymore - it's now a "bag of boredom". If it's a bag of hunger, that's fine, too. The exercise is just to stop blindly reaching for food and uncover the reasons why.

Catch yourself, then admit it here.

Your experience and retelling will help someone else become aware, too.
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Put a Piece of Cake on That; You'll Feel Better

My dad died in June, 1998. That following December, my sister and I attended his family's reunion, something we had never done while my dad was alive. At the time of the reunion, our grief was still fresh, and attending the reunion was part of our grieving process. My dad's surviving siblings were there along with other relatives; some we had seen at the funeral in June. Others we had not seen in many, many years--if ever. I recall vividly when my cousin, Paul walked into the room. He is about the same age as my dad even though he is my dad's nephew. He looked so much like Daddy--his stature, his hair, his eyes, the way he carried himself, even the way he was dressed. My sister and I were taken aback--she more than I because she had never met him. It was a shock to her to see this man walk through the door. For a moment it was like seeing Daddy walk through the door. She immediately welled up with tears--the painful, uncontrollable kind that get caught in your throat and make you choke if you don't let them out. She was trying to regain her composure, and I was trying to help her. We were in a large room surrounded by tables of food that had been prepared for the reunion, and we just happened to be standing beside the dessert table filled with beautiful cakes. Without thinking, I said to her, "put a piece of cake on that; you'll feel better." We both burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed about that and still laugh about it today.

My joke worked; it broke the sadness and allowed my sister to get control of her grief. But the joke did more than that; it spoke volumes about my script for dealing with painful emotions. Put some food on it, and you will feel better. Rather than feeling the emotion and experiencing the pain, we often want to make the pain go away by escaping, distracting ourselves, or numbing our feelings. Food can do all those things temporarily, but of course the pain returns along with all the consequences of having used food inappropriately.

So I'm learning to deal with emotions in a more constructive way. I want to make better choices and find healthier ways of taking care of myself. I'm trying. Sometimes it seems I fail more often than I succeed, but I'm making progress. Progress. Yes, progress.

Cooling Your Core

Click here to enlarge image.

Sheryl's son, Khalid, coined the perfect phrase for taking care of yourself-- "Cool your Core." As crossfitters and people focused on health and fitness, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because you worked out 4 or 5 times this week, you are taking care of yourself. But we are more than our bodies. The body is just the physical manifestation of our life. C.S. Lewis said it well. "You don't have a soul; you ARE a soul. You HAVE a body." We need to make sure we are putting as much energy into nurturing the soul as we do in caring for the body.

I'll be honest. I am looking for ideas and help in this area. I am looking for new ways of caring for myself that don't involve food. So I hope you all will share freely and liberally about what works for you. How do you Cool Your Core?

A Country Weekend

It was a fantastic fall weekend in the country. Restful, relaxing, and filled with simple, fleeting moments that capture the essence of a grateful life.

I wanted to write about the wonderful coat rack I made from salvaged lumber this weekend. The wood had a terrific patina, weathered gray from years outside. I used nails leftover from the cabin construction for the hooks, and I topped the rack with a shelf made from the same wood. I laid a wildflower bouquet and two long leaf pine cones atop the shelf. A denim shirt and binoculars hung from two of the nails. Country still life. Begging for a snapshot. And I obliged.

And then I thought I might write about the walk my sister and I took Sunday morning. Melvin, my sister’s two dogs, Tucker and Sonny, and my mom’s dog, Josie frolicked all around us as we walked. We hiked over to the far side of the property to checkout the color on the sourwood trees. Sourwoods are known for early, vibrant fall color, and they did not disappoint. The light was just right, and I snapped several pictures.

I even thought I might write about the cozy swivel rocker I bought for $25, bargained down from $40, at the Potter’s House on Saturday. Its old fashioned style hugs you in comfort, and the 360 degree swivel allows you to take in the views from any direction. Draped in a plaid throw, it made a charming country picture.

I considered writing about my stroll with Melvin Saturday afternoon. Melvin sniffed along in front of me, nose to the ground on the grassy drive, his tail up and wagging. Low hanging limbs framed him just right—the perfect picture to speak a thousand words.

Towards the end of the weekend I decided a picture of the cabin would be best for the blog, and so I took several shots of the cabin surrounded by trees just beginning to hint at shades of yellow, orange, and red. Satisfied, I loaded up the truck and headed back to Atlanta. On the drive home I thought about possibly using several pictures from the weekend because I captured so many moments that I wanted to share.

Upon arriving home, I discovered I had left the camera behind. Melancholy swept over me, thinking of the camera with all those heartfelt moments locked inside—waiting in the empty, still cabin for my return. And so today's photo is from some earlier trip, but captures the feeling I get everytime I turn onto this little country path. The cabin sits beyond the horizon, out of sight. The uneven drive forces me to slow down, if I haven't already, and I can feel my cares peel away as I creep along the bumpy lane.

Looking for Hilda

I'm retreating to my cabin in the woods this weekend. It has has been calling me all week--the quiet, the calm, the solitude, the rest, and the fresh air--all calling me to escape the rush of Atlanta and my persistent insomnia. My work has been overly burdensome and stressful of late, exacerbated by my inability to sleep, and my inability to sleep aggravated by my work. As the week has progressed I have become increasingly out of kilter and frazzled. Denied the escape of sleep, I have slipped reluctantly into unhealthy ways of comforting and caring for myself--mostly with food. And do I feel comforted and cared for? No. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel frustrated by my continued failed attempts to change the way I cope with life's ebb and flow.

And so I'm escaping to the country in search of a fresh perspective and inspiration. I need to amble in the woods and hear the crunch of leaves underfoot, collecting treasures for the shadow box--an acorn, an interesting rock, a fallen leaf. I need to nap. I need to listen to nature and feel the breeze. I need to gaze at the stars. I need to snuggle in front of the kerosene heater, sleep between flannel sheets, look for deer, and watch the birds. I need to walk along the dirt road and pick the wild golden rod and asters.

I need to remember that everything is okay and that I am enough just as I am. I need to find Hilda.