I Took the Oven Apart

A favorite spot that I'm going to miss.

I'm on the home stretch; the house is just about ready. I decided to give myself one more weekend to finalize everything. The sign goes up in the yard on Monday. Meanwhile, I'm doing the last few things on my list, and I've stopped adding things to it! When I took the oven apart in order to clean it, I decided that I really had lost my mind. If the oven needs to be that clean then the new owner needs to buy herself a new oven. I tend to see only the imperfections; it's hard for me to step back and just appreciate how wonderful this place is. This morning I was out on the back porch fretting over the floor and debating if I should whip out the paint cans and put a fresh coat down. Then I remembered the oven fiasco. Then I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture rather than zeroing in on a spot here and there. And then I felt sad. How can I leave this wonderful place that I created with so much love and heart? It didn't look like this when I moved here. The porch didn't even exist, except for in my dreams. I remember shopping for the perfect wicker chairs, and re-purposing the shutters to make that screen. I found that sweet little table at a yard sale, and I love those candlesticks. I planted the evergreens in the background, and they were barely head high; now they reach above the house. I created that perfectly comfortable and inviting scene. I'm going to miss it. . . . But the good news is that I'm taking all that shit (minus the evergreens and the porch) with me. And I'll create a new perfect spot where I'm not responsible for the maintenance.

After several days, I was back in the gym this morning. I don't feel too bad about missing a few CrossFit workouts because I have been working my ass off. I can't wait to yell "TIME" on this workout!

Sorry for the cursing. I just can't help myself these days. Without cursing, I cannot adequately express my state of mind right now. I'm exhausted and so OVER IT!

A Third Hand Would Be So Handy

I worked at home all weekend. Yardwork, painting, caulking, cleaning, trips to Ace Hardware and Home Depot, and more than a little mental anguish over my decision to sell. Change is good, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I'm meeting with real estate agents this week, and I have someone coming to pressure wash the house on Tuesday. Once that is done, the exterior painting can start. I've still got some inside projects to do (little things), but once the exterior work is done, the house will be good enough. Of course that's my opinion; we'll see what the experts have to say. I still have a "To Do" list as long as I am tall, but I have decided that I'm being too picky and not all that stuff has to be done. I've prioritized the list to complete the items that are most important, and if the remainder doesn't get done, it doesn't get done.

I don't know what I was smoking when I thought I could get serious about losing weight at the same time I got serious about selling this house. I am struggling with my eating and just struggling in general. Selling my house of 15+ years is hard. Going through all the stuff I've accumulated and preparing the house for sale is hard work, physically and emotionally. And it's very isolating - a stark reminder than I am all alone. Still. I bought this house at age 34 and never imagined that I would still be single 15 years later. And every project I do all by myself reminds me that it's just me. It hurts that I asked my family for help, and they couldn't find the time. I cried and nearly pulled my hair out trying to install a new bathroom light fixture yesterday. A third hand would be so handy. A man in my life who knows how to do shit (or just cares about me) would be awesome. Who am I kidding? I want a man who knows how to do shit AND cares about me. Anything less would just piss me off. I'll make it through this just like I always do, but I have cried more than a few times over the last few days.

OK. Enough whining. I have too much to do.


7am
coffee with cream

9am
2 sausage patties
1 egg
coffee with cream

11am
1 sausage patty

2pm
mixed nuts

It's Spring, Finally!

A red maple in full bud at Lullwater yesterday - it's Spring, finally!

7am
coffee with cream
CarbMaster Yogurt (12 grams protein, 4 grams carbs)
topped with sliced almonds

9am
coffee with cream

1130am
meatloaf with kale salad
cottage cheese with applesauce and almonds

12n
1-mile dog walk

330pm
almonds

5pm
15-minute AMRAP of Cindy

630pm
1-mile walk

7pm
steak and asparagus
2 glasses of wine
a big bowl of ice cream! :-( I regret it now. Aargh! Will I ever change?

Voila, It Rings!

Helleborus orientalis
"Lenten Rose"

How in the world will I say goodbye to the Lenten Rose? I'm having second thoughts today about selling the house. I'll just go with this feeling but continue to work my punch list and see how I feel tomorrow. But the good news is that my home is getting the attention that it needs, so whether I sell or not, it's all good. One thing is for sure: I'm either selling this house or throwing a big party this spring!

Last night I had a small victory. I repaired the doorbell. It's been broken for a while now (years); I disconnected the ringer from the wall, saw that one of the wires was loose, put it back in place, and voila, it rings again! And Melvin has a new reason to bark.

6am
black coffee

7am
Deadlifts 7x1

9am
5 slices of bacon
grape tomatoes
black coffee

11am
walked Melvin

12n
3 oz chicken
apple

2pm
Starbucks
bag of nuts & dried fruit
coffee with half & half

Then a little while later, I had a protein bar. I was sort of wandering aimlessly, tired from obsessing over/working on this house 24/7, and just didn't know what to do with myself. So I ate a protein bar. hrmph. :-(

5:30pm
45 minute walk at Lullwater Park, with Melvin of course

7:30pm
Whole Foods To Go
meatloaf, collard greens, mushrooms and onions

8:30
Continued painting the bathroom; I've been working on it a little each day this week. Walls done. Ceiling done. Now doing the trim. It's a good thing I don't keep firearms in the house.

Up 1.4

More Daffodils!

Last night was my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I was up 1.4. You see, that's the good thing about being back at Weight Watchers; I have to face the consequences of my actions. I can't ignore it, pretend it didn't happen, or put off dealing with it. I hated that I gained, but it was a rough week, and I'm just not going to worry about it. Worrying doesn't help anyway. And it's not like I don't know why I gained. I plan to have a good week and hopefully report a loss next week.

6am
black coffee

7am
CrossFit Workout (1/2 Murph - 33 minutes)

9am
2 boiled eggs
coffee with milk

noonish
Lots of running around related to the house and tax prep season. Can you say STRESS? Makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when Kramer was being kept awake all night by the neon sign for the new Kenny Rogers chicken restaurant...he said, "Oh... I'm stressed!"

1pm
2 slices of bacon
2 eggs scrambled
grape tomatoes

5pm
1/2 apple with some chicken
1 cheese stick

830pm
frozen cherries with cottage cheese

I'll Miss the Daffodils

Daffodils are blooming happily in my garden -- a sign that winter is finally releasing it's hold on us. I'll miss the daffodils when I leave this house, but they will return year after year to bless the life of it's new owner. I'm a little sad to leave the garden that I planted and loved, but sometimes you have to let go of one thing to allow the next into your life.

7am
coffee with cream

9am
2 boiled eggs

coffee with cream

12n
1-mile dog walk

1230pm
grilled chicken salad with sunflower seeds

330pm
1/2 apple with 2 T almond butter

6pm

weekly weigh-in. Up 1.4

730pm

nuts! I ate nuts for dinner. I've got to go to the grocery.

Something Had To Give

Here I am. I disappeared for a few days because of all the chaos at home. Something had to give, and this was one of the things I let slide. I've had a rough few days eating-wise. My home life has been turned upside down. When things are out of sorts, I can so easily turn to food for comfort and escape. I am much better than I used to be, but I still sought solace in food Friday night when my house was still without power. I was tired from a crazy week and ready to relax. The work was suppose to be finished at 5pm, at which time they told me they needed 2 or 3 more hours. I tried to entertain myself by running errands and visiting a friend. Finally at 9pm I returned home to a dark house and 3 electricians wearing headlamps, working feverishly to get it up and running. They estimated two more hours to completion. I drove to Publix and bought a box of Dove Bars (3 per box). I sat in my truck in the driveway and ate two of them. At 11pm, the lights came on, and I was finally able to get back into my house. My messy, dusty, turned-upside-down house.

I spent the entire weekend putting the house back together and working the punch-list of items to be completed before I can list this house for sale. Getting closer, but still not ready yet.

I think I did better with my eating on Saturday and Sunday; I didn't keep track of what I ate, but for the most part I chose good foods - no junk. Today I'm back to writing it all down. Things are still crazy around here, and I need to go to the grocery store as you'll see from my food choices today. Something still has to give -- a perfect diet and a perfect house ain't happening. But I'm doing the best that I can.

6am
coffee with cream

7am
CrossFit warmup and 20 minute AMRAP

9am
cottage cheese with applesauce and 2 T sliced almonds

11am
coffee with cream
3 brazil nuts

1:30pm
cottage cheese with blueberries and 2 T sliced almonds
5 brazil nuts

4pm
2 cheese sticks
coffee with cream

530pm
30 minute walk with Melvin

7pm
Bison Burger with blue cheese and bacon (no bun) from Ted's with a side of asparagus
strawberries

12.6 to Go

Tonight was my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers. (See my blog post from Wednesday, March 3 to get caught up on what I'm doing back at Weight Watchers.) I was down 2.4 pounds from a week ago. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds by May 25. That's 2.4 down and 12.6 to go.

I didn't keep track of what I ate today, and I don't have the energy to try and remember at this point. Not a great day. Having your house rewired is sort of like changing the tires on the car while driving down the road. I'm doing the best I can.

Chaos Reigns

Can you say "chaos?" I'm having my house rewired this week. (I hope they can finish in a week). So that means chaos reigns at my house and in my life right now. A dear friend was kind enough to offer her home for me to work during the day so that I don't have to drive all the way to Marietta everyday to escape the madness. Once I got settled in here at my friend's house, I found myself doing some stress-eating. I think I've gotten a grip now.

Food Journal

6am
coffee with cream

7am
CrossFit warm up followed by "Helen"

10:30am
2 boiled eggs
2 slices bacon
grapes
coffee with cream

a while later I found myself munching on nuts and cheese. STOP!

2pm
grapes and some nuts

5:30pm
long, brisk walk

7:30pm
steak and veggie stir-fry
nuts

coffee with cream
dark chocolate (1 1/2 oz)

A Late Winter Day

A late winter day at Lullwater Park.

I went for a walk at Lullwater Park yesterday. It was a beautiful, late winter day. As soon as I turned down this path, I paused to appreciate the scene. The beech trees framed the trail perfectly against the brilliant blue sky. I love beech trees; unlike most hardwoods, these trees hang onto their dead leaves until the new spring buds start to pop. The pale brown leaves rustle in the wind and provide added interest and beauty to the winter woods.

Food Journal
(not a great day eating-wise, but at least I didn't over-eat.)

9am
3 slices of bacon
2 boiled eggs
1 orange
coffee with cream

5pm
Fuji Apple Chicken Salad from Panera
brazil nuts

8pm
1 cup of vanilla ice cream with sliced almonds

Activity
-I'm getting my house ready to put on the market. I worked all day long in my attic. I hauled many loads down the pull-down stairs to the back porch, sorted it, then took two truck loads to Goodwill. I'm exhuasted!
-I took a break about 3pm and took Melvin on another long walk at Lullwater.
-I had a very active day, and I'm pleased about that.

A Tiny Little Bagel (Which I Ate)

Very busy, hectic day. I don't feel like writing much tonight, but I did want to post my food for the day. I know I'm not posting it everyday, but I am tracking it daily. I was rushed this morning and didn't eat breakfast and didn't take my lunch with me to the office. (I usually work from home but had to go to the Marietta office today). I'm glad to make it through today without blowing it. Better day tomorrow I hope.

Food Journal

7am
coffee with cream

10am
coffee with cream
a few nuts with a little dried fruit

1pm
Starbucks tall latte
Starbucks Protein Plate (boiled egg, a little cheese, peanut butter with a tiny little bagel (which I ate), a few grapes and a few apple slices. Should have passed on the tiny/mini bagel, but I was hungry, and it was so small. By the time I left the office, my nose was running...happens now when I eat grains. Crazy.

7pm
I was STARVING by the time I ate dinner; I didn't plan well today. I almost went crazy eating too much too fast because I was so hungry.
6 oz chicken on salad of mixed greens, with a little apple, blue berries, walnuts and almonds, with blue cheese dressing
dark chocolate (72% cacao) - ate the whole bar which the package said was 2 servings.

Activity
It was my regular rest day from CrossFit. I walked Melvin in the morning and that's it, except for general running around. Wanted to do something more, but it didn't happen today.

15 by May 25

I returned to Weight Watchers last night - not for the diet, but for the structure, accountability, and support. I plan to continue to eat the way that works for me, but I'll weigh-in each week at Weight Watchers and attend the meeting. The meeting topics are usually focused on behavioral change, not food. These meetings helped and motivated me in the past; now that I know the way that I need to eat, I think I can actually follow-through on what I learn each week at the meeting. Sue, my Weight Watcher leader, has known me for years and seen my struggle. She understands that I am not following the Weight Watcher program as prescribed; she supports me in doing what is best for me.

I have lost 4 pounds in the last two weeks since renewing my commitment to weight loss. I want to lose 15 more by May 25; that's 12 weeks away. I'll be weighing in every Tuesday night and reporting my progress here on Wednesday's.

The Whole 9 Yards

photo courtesy of Sam Gris

That's me, Erica, and Shannon at the CrossFit Georgia Sectional Qualifier over the weekend.

Great weekend! It's fun to have fun. And it's fun to watch other people workout! Crazy CrossFitters, yes we are.

I've decided to start keeping track of my food on FitDay again. I need to tighten things up and be more aware of calorie consumption. I'm generally eating well, but still eating too much if I want to lose weight. And uh . . . yes, I want to lose weight. So that's what I'm doing -- tracking my food intake on FitDay. I'm weighing and measuring and tracking . . . the whole 9 yards. That's what it's going to take for me to lose weight. Unfortunately.

Today is going well. On track so far with my food. I worked out this morning and went for a short walk over lunch.

The CrossFit Regional Qualifier in Jacksonville is about 3 months away. I would LOVE to drop 10 to 15 pounds by then. I can do it if I get serious about monitoring not only WHAT I'm eating, but HOW MUCH I'm eating. I'm working on that.