A Kick in the Behind

"Free Spirit"
by Duy Huynh

My annual physical was a few weeks ago on October 1. I just received the results from the blood work on Monday, and my fasting blood glucose was borderline high (101 and the top of the range is 100). What?! I gave up sugar (in addition to all grains) on July 25, ten weeks earlier so how can this be? In all my 49 years of eating mostly crap most of the time, my blood glucose had never tested high. I even remember thinking, "how am I getting away with this?" And by "this" I mean eating all this sugar and still reporting normal blood glucose? Well, it's no surprise that I wasn't getting away with anything. In order to maintain normal blood glucose levels in spite of my horrendous diet, my pancreas was pumping out insulin like crazy all those years, resulting in my current insulin resistant state. Of course that's my own diagnosis after spending the last year learning about nutrition and metabolism. My doctor isn't going to diagnose this. She'll just keep testing my blood and let me know when I've moved into the diabetic range. At that point she'll give me a low-carb diet to follow.

I looked back in my food diary to see what I had eaten the day prior to the 11am appointment. We were between challenges, and I was a little looser with my diet than I had been in previous weeks. I was enjoying a bit of a break from the close scrutiny, but was still eating mostly primal. Dinner the night before the appointment was Paleo Night at Urban Pl8. I remember commenting to Damon the next day that it was richer and sweeter than I was used to eating, and I felt it. That same meal would not phase someone with a healthier metabolism than mine. Their body would have blood sugar levels back to normal within an hour of eating that meal. My body was still working on getting it under control more than 12 hours later.

So what do I make of all this? Well, for one, it explains so much. It explains why the weight isn't coming off as fast as I would like. I'm insulin resistant. Duh! I guess I knew this already, but there's nothing like seeing it in black and white after 10 weeks of eating a diet designed to improve the very thing I'm seeing in the report. It underscores just how important it is for me to keep carbs low; even "good" carbs need to be kept in check. And when I do splurge, it needs to be in moderation, followed by a walk or some activity to help my body bring blood sugar levels back to normal. Having this new information is a kick in the behind -- just in case I was starting to wonder what's so bad about a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast seven days a week.

There's No Going Back

"Food for Thought"
by Duy Huynh

Seven weeks ago I made a pledge to eliminate refined sugar for eight weeks. At first I couldn't even entertain the thought without my mind immediately flooding with phrases like "IMPOSSIBLE!" and "here you go again." I couldn't think it, and I certainly couldn't say it out loud or admit it to another person. But somehow in a moment of total frustration, I summoned the courage to make the pledge anyway. I wrote my promise on a sheet of paper, signed it, dated it, and stuck it on my refrigerator door. A week later, I shared my pledge with other people in the nutrition challenge that my gym was sponsoring. After two weeks, I realized that I would actually honor my commitment -- that it was POSSIBLE for me to succeed. And now, here it is seven weeks later. Only one week remains in the 8-week challenge. The heavy-handed depression that I experienced during weeks 3 through 5 has eased. I'm starting to get my energy back. I've lost some weight. Sugar no longer has me by the throat. Oh, I'm well aware that it is waiting in the wings, ready to pounce in a weak moment -- to enslave me again. So there's no going back for me. The end of eight weeks will be a milestone for celebration. A beginning of the rest of my life. Not the end of anything.

Desiderata

"Metamorphosis of the Leaf Butterfly"

by Duy Huynh

I am a fan of Lark and Key Gallery on FaceBook, and they just published an image of this new painting by Duy Huynh. I love it! I so want to see the original--or at least a print. If I am this moved by small digital images of his artwork, just imagine how rewarding it would be to see his work in person. I simply must visit Lark and Key in Charlotte, even if I have to make a special trip just for that purpose.

I stumbled across the poem, "Desiderata" recently. Of course we've all read it before, but it spoke to me in a fresh way this time. Max Erhmann's rich pearls of wisdom have traveled across the decades from 1927 to touch my soul in 2009. And so I wanted to share his poem with you. I hope you have time to read it and let it speak to you. It's a gem.


Desiderata
("Desiderata" is Latin for "desired things")
By Max Ehrmann
1927

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. ”

For Kenny: Winds of Change

" Autumn on the Horizon"
by Duh Huynh

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
~ unknown ~

"Change is the only constant."
~ Proverb ~

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly."
~ Henri Bergson ~

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."

~ John F Kennedy ~

"All things change; nothing perishes."

~ Ovid ~

"Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine."

~ Robert C Gallagher ~

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

~ Arnold Bennett ~

"Other things may change, but we start and end with family."

~ Anthony Brandt ~

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Kenny, whatever you choose, I support you. And isn't it great to have choices! Everything is going to be just fine. Love you, friend. Keep me posted.

Look Inside and Listen

"Freedom"
by Duy Huynh

I had a bit of a light bulb moment after having my oatmeal this morning. Oatmeal is a grain, and so I was sort of thinking maybe I should not have eaten it. Same thing with the two slices of bread yesterday. After eating the oatmeal and enjoying it, it occurred to me that eating oatmeal or not eating oatmeal is my decision. I can listen to my body and decide if I want to have oatmeal and then depending on how I feel afterwards, I can continue to have it or not. It's my choice. The answer about whether to eat grains, dairy, or any other food is inside me. It's not in some diet book somewhere.

I think reading about nutrition and hearing what works for other people is great. But in the end, the answer for each of us is inside us. My body, my spirit knows what is best for me in everything. If I will look inside and listen and allow my spirit to direct my life, I will know what I should eat. During my binges on sweets, my body and soul always tell me what I'm doing is wrong. But I don't look inside, and I sure don't listen. I ignore my body and spirit and continue to stuff myself with unhealthy food. And then I go to the other extreme, eating only what is on the approved list, again looking everywhere except inside myself for the answer.

Look inside. And listen.

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My food diary from yesterday can be found under the previous post.

Resting

"Flower Bed"
by Duy Huynh

I'm taking a break from the blog for a while. I just don't feel inspired, and I'm really tired. Something has to give, and this is an obvious choice. So I'm going to let the blog "rest" for a while. And try to squeeze in a little rest for me too. If I feel inspired again later and resume posting, I'll be sure to let you know.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."
~ Ovid ~

Oh My

"Moth Mother"
by Duy Huynh

Oh my. I submitted the article I wrote about Shana, ("Come On", February 16) to Lisbeth for consideration for the Affiliate Blog. The neat thing is that she published it. The scary thing is that she published it on the same day that the topic is "outstanding female athletes over age 40." And she sort of included me in that category. I panicked when I read it and thought, "oh no, did I misrepresent myself? She has me confused with some other PatC. Is there anyway I can get a retraction printed before anyone reads it?" Then I thought, no she's not talking about me. Her reference to "outstanding female athlete/affiliate owner" is a reference to Shana. Please let it be a reference to Shana. I am as uncomfortable with that description as I am in jeans that are two sizes too small.

Silly me. I'm working on fitting into those jeans and into that image--outstanding female athlete. I've got the female part nailed.... The rest will come.

Serendipity

" The Wish"
~ by Duy Huynh ~

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.

You all know that I have gone out on a limb and signed up for a CrossFit Level I certification March 28-29 in Charlotte, North Carolina. I picked this particular certification because the date worked with my schedule and Charlotte is within driving distance. (I hate the hassle of flying.)

If you've followed the blog for a while, you also know that I love the artwork of Duy Huynh (pronounced yee wun). I have used images of his paintings on the blog numerous times. Besides being beautiful, many of his works speak to me about creating the life I want and making my dreams come true.

Well, I recently discovered that Duy Huynh's art gallery and studio, Lark and Key is located in Charlotte. Wow! What are the chances of that? Just a coincidence or a sign that I'm on the right track, that the road to my dreams runs through Charlotte?

I think the latter.

Eight Tenths

"Dreams of Flight"
~ by Duy Huynh ~

Thursday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. Yesterday I was down 8/10 of a pound. My weight has nudged slowly downwards since the first of the year, and I am now back at my pre-Christmas weight. I am still heavier than my lowest point last summer so there remains ground to makeup. And more beyond that. But I'm thrilled about the 8/10 of a pound. And I know the rate of weight loss will only improve now that I am focused and motivated again.

That little voice in my head just said, "don't put that on the blog for everyone to read. What if you fail? What if your perceived turnaround is just a passing fluke and nothing has really changed at all? What if you just continue to flounder like you have for months?"

Well, here's my response to that little voice: "SHUT UP!" I have every intention of moving forward and reaching my goals. Sure, there's a risk. Success is not guaranteed. I have to do the work. I have to string together successful days like the past two. And I can do that. Yesterday was good. It wasn't so hard to eat right--to choose the apple over the chocolate; to have scrambled eggs and broccoli for breakfast, spinach and salmon salad for lunch, and a grilled chicken salad for dinner. It was actually all very tasty and satisfying. For dessert last night I had some frozen cherries with plain non-fat yogurt and a few drops of stevia. Later I had a cup of herbal tea with a splash of soy milk.

I don't feel deprived at all. I feel very good, and I like this feeling. I can do this.

Powerful Beyond Measure

painting by Duy Huynh

from A Return to Love
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

On the Past

"Twilight Traveler"
~ by Duy Huynh ~

From The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle

Deal with the past on the level of the present. The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it, and the more likely you are to make a "self" out of it. Don't misunderstand: Attention is essential, but not to the past as past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your behavior, to your reactions, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. There is the past in you. If you can be present enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but non judgmentally, then you are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your presence. You cannot find yourself by going into the past. You find yourself by coming into the present.

As you become more conscious of your present reality, you may suddenly get certain insights as to why your conditioning functions in those particular ways -- for example, why your relationships follow certain patterns -- and you may remember things that happened in the past or see them more clearly. That is fine and can be helpful, but it is not essential. What is essential is your conscious presence. That dissolves the past. That is the transformative agent. So don't seek to understand the past, but be as present as you can. The past cannot survive in your presence. It can only survive in your absence.

Here and Now

Full Circle
~ by Duy Huynh ~

I just finished reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I know many of you have already read it and found it very helpful. I'm grateful for your recommendation. I realize now, more than ever, that I use food (sometimes) to avoid being present. It is one way of checking out for a while and an effective way of slowing down my racing mind. But I don't like the side-effects. Reading this book doesn't fix the problem, but it sheds more light on it and makes me more aware so that I can move in a positive direction.

This week I will be sharing some favorite passages from The Power of Now.

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from The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle

See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

Ordinary unconsciousness is always linked in some way with the denial of the Now. The Now, of course, also implies the here. Are you resisting your here and now? Some people would always rather be somewhere else. Their "here" is never good enough. Through self-observation, find out if that is the case in your life. Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.

...If there is truly nothing you can do to change your here and now, and you can't remove yourself from the situation, then accept your here and now by dropping all inner resistance. The false, unhappy self that loves feeling miserable, resentful, or sorry for itself can then no longer survive. This is called surrender. Surrender is not weakness. There is a great strength in it. Only a surrendered person has spiritual power. Through surrender, you will be free internally of the situation. You may then find that the situation changes without any effort on your part. In any case, you are free.

Back to Basics - Remembering What and Why

New Leaves

by Duy Huynh

It's time to get back to basics. The holidays are over. My birthday has come and gone. The new business isn't quite so overwhelming now. It's the third week of January already. Yes, it is definitely time to get back to basics.

So this entire week will be devoted to the fundamentals. For me, fundamentally, it starts with remembering what I want and why I want it.

And what I want is a healthy relationship with food. I want to use food to nourish my body, not my heart and soul, and not as a means to punish myself. I want to reach and maintain a healthy weight. I want to look and feel great. I want the lightness of being that comes from taking care of myself, regardless of the number on the scale. I want to load up the back of the truck with all my fat clothes and dump them in front of GoodWill. (What I really want is to set them on fire in the front yard, but I'll be a good citizen and donate them to GoodWill.) I want to shop for an entire new wardrobe. I want to walk into the 2009 holiday season at my goal weight. I want to ring in 2010 in the best shape of my life. I want to be one good-looking, life-loving, crossfitting, inspirational, victorious woman. I want to defy all the odds, surprise myself, blow my mind, turn my world upside down and complete my transformation--the transformation which has already happened on the inside--my physical form is just slow to catch up to what I have already become. But it will. Soon. Very soon.

Invitation to Optimism

"The Optimistic Gardener"
by Duy Huynh

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”
~ Oscar Wilde ~

I am inviting you to spend today in optimism. Let go of worry and fear. Just wallow in optimism today. No matter what is going on in your life. No matter if you just lost the best paying job you ever had or gained ten pounds. No matter that everyone keeps talking about how bad the economy is and how it's basically impossible to do whatever it is that you are wanting to do. No matter how many bills (mistakes, failures, action items) are stacked up and screaming at you. Don't listen to the naysayers and dooms-dayers. Everything is going to be alright. And not just alright; things are going to be the best they have ever been. Allow yourself this day of optimism, this day of certainty that all is well.

And then do it again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next...

The Power of Now

"Rebirth"
by Duy Hunyh

Eckart Tolle wrote a booked called The Power of Now. I have not read it, so this is not a commentary on his book. But I have had my own revelations recently about the power of now. In each moment, we have the power to create our reality by the choices we make.

Yesterday was one of those days for me--one of those days that could easily have become a really crappy day. I even thought of a great blog title for it, "Oh Crappy Day." And when I googled "Oh Crappy Day", I found lots of people have blogged under that topic. There are songs and videos with that title. I checked out a couple of the blogs that popped up in my search, and not surprisingly, I found a litany of bad news and complaining. I found case studies in how to squander the power of now. I found a lot of victims.

Looking back on my day, I see the tremendous power in each moment and in each choice that I made. And for the most part, I chose well. I tried to remain positive. I was aware of my choice to be optimistic or to cultivate a negative situation and make it even worse. I did my best to lean in a positive direction, to reach for something better instead of something worse. I did my best not to take on the role of the victim--the one with no control--the one with no power.

Towards the end of my day, as I settled into my truck for a two-hour return drive home, I found myself pulling into one of those Travel-America places. I didn't need gasoline. I needed sugar. I needed to numb my feelings. I bought a Haagen Daz ice cream bar and a Pay Day candy bar. Before I got back on the expressway, before I even unwrapped the ice cream bar, my cell phone rang. It was Kath calling just to check in. Too strange! How did she know to call me at this exact moment? Her call interrupted me long enough to snap me back into reality...to remind me of the power of now...my power to choose. I never told Kath about the pit stop I had just made or the ice cream bar melting in my lap. I was dishonest in withholding this information. I still ate the ice cream when we hung up. And later, I ate the candy bar. I'm not proud of these two choices. But I am proud of many of the other choices I made throughout the day. And I'm proud now of my decision to own up to my short-comings and be honest about my frailty and show you more of who I am.

I am proud of this now, this moment, this choice.

Get Your Hopes Up

"Peace and Hope"

by Duy Huynh

How many times has someone said to you, "well, just don't get your hopes up." Maybe you have thought it yourself or said it to someone else? Why say such a thing? It's not because we don't believe or have faith; it's because we do believe. We believe that we will not or cannot change, and we expect more of the same. When we say, "don't get your hopes up," we are basically admitting that we expect to fail--that we do not expect to have what we want. You cannot in one breath say you believe, and in the next breath say, "but I'm not getting my hopes up."

Yesterday we shared our wishes and dreams for the future. Our challenge now is to get our hopes up and expect our dreams to be fulfilled!

Begin Again

"Moment of Clarity"

by Duy Huynh

I am tired. Tired of accepting less than the best for myself. Tired of disappointing myself and others. Tired of failure. Tired of taking two steps forward and five steps backward. Tired of not allowing myself to have what I really want. Tired of making excuses. Tired of sabotaging myself. Tired of putting up barriers and stuffing down feelings. Tired of carrying around this burden. Tired of starting over. Tired of avoiding. Tired of waiting. Tired of talking. I am tired of wandering around just outside my Promised Land. I am ready to go on inside and take what is mine. I am ready to do the hard work required of me.

It is time to begin again.

The Fragrance of Apology

"The Offering"
by Duy Huynh

"Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift."
~Margaret Lee Runbeck

On Tuesday morning, I stopped in Dancing Goats to have coffee and get a little work done before heading across town to Marietta. I bought a coffee, grabbed one of the comfy chairs, pulled out my laptop and got to work. A little while later, immersed in my work, I was interrupted by two mothers with toddlers in tow. The women instructed the children to climb into the chair right beside me. (Yes, that is two children in one chair right beside me.) They then placed two chocolate milks and a crumbled mess that used to be a muffin on the side table right next to my cellphone and laptop. Oblivious to the rest of us, and most definitely to me, the two women headed over to sit on the sofa a few feet away, leaving their toddlers to irritate the you-know-what out of me. I felt the indignation rising up in me. But I decided to be nice and just move to another location. But "nice" is not what came out of me. Rather than saying, "I'll let you have this space for your children," I snapped something like, "well I guess I'll move since you have taken over this space." Ugh. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Before I said it, I regretted it. As I walked away, I felt like a big, hulking, child-hating feminist. I felt mean and ugly. With every step to the opposite end of the building, I felt worse. And then it occurred to me that I did not have to let this ruin their day or mine. I could apologize. So I walked back towards the two women to offer my apology. As I approached, they looked afraid. Maybe it was my imagination, but I think they both held on to their children a little tighter. And then I said the magic words that changed everything. "I'm sorry." Immediately they beamed and said, "no, we're sorry." The conversation went back and forth about how we were all sorry for the situation and wished we had handled it differently. They thanked me profusely for coming back over to apologize. As I walked away the second time, I found myself smiling, feeling gracious and beautiful.

A Second Chance

"Dreams of Flight"
by Duy Huynh

Every breath is a second chance. To give your bad mood a makeover. To stop checking your 401(k) balance. To wean yourself from Wolf Blitzer. To remember the cloth grocery bags instead of leaving them in the car. To break out of an old holding pattern. To cultivate compassion from the inside out--we all need a little Me Tenderizer. To shrink your elastic waistband. To become a dog person. To read yourself around the world if you can't afford a ticket. To bail yourself out of debt. To talk face to face instead of on Facebook. To change the plot of your life story. To do a somersault--how long has it been? To give wings to your grounded dreams.

--from the December cover of Skirt Magazine