Thanksgiving Day

The Cabin

(picture taken 11/08/08)

It is a beautiful, cold morning here at the cabin. I am sitting in my comfy, cozy, second-hand swivel rocker sipping the best cup of coffee you can imagine. The sun is breaking through the trees which are already nearly bare. Winter has come early this year. The woods are still and quiet. Melvin is sitting in front of the kerosene heater, looking out the french doors, woofing under his breath at something...not sure what.

My family is gathering at my mom and step dad's house today for the Thanksgiving celebration. My brother, Jack is coming. My sister, Jolyn lives next door to my mom, so she is already present. Also coming are my sister, Myra and her husband, Phil along with their children, Abbie and Joseph. Abbie is 21, and Joseph is 16. Hard to believe. Time is flying by.

I am missing Daddy this morning. He always loved Thanksgiving. He loved the family-time and the big meal. He especially loved the dressing and the sweet potato pies.

We will be overrun with dogs today. Mama and Lamar have big 'ole hearts when it comes to animals, so they regularly take in strays. Their current herd is comprised of Rodie, Pearl, Shilo, and Josie. Jolyn has two dogs, Tucker and Sonny. Jack is bringing his dog, JC. Of course, I have Melvin. Nephew Joseph just got a new puppy, Ami. You get the picture. We love dogs! And they all love it here because they can run around free on the 24 acres. It's a dog's paradise.

And then there are the cats. Alice is a Siamese first rescued by Jack back in the 1990's. We don't know how old she is, but we know she is old. She is now Mama's cat, and Mama loves that cat! Then there is Lucy, a big, beautiful calico. And the youngest is Mimi, also a calico. Jolyn has two cats, Katie and Boone. I also have two cats, Teddie and Rudy. But if you know anything about cats, you know they don't travel well, so Teddie and Rudy are at home in Decatur.

I had not planned to write anything for the blog today, but I felt inspired by this day, what it means, and all the memories it evokes. I truly have a wonderful life, and my heart is full of gratitude today.

That's a Lot of Pie!

The sweet potato pies are baked, and I'm heading to the country to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I want to thank each of you for your friendship and support this year, especially in recent months since the start of this blog.

Wishing you all a restful, happy, safe holiday. See you on the blog again on Monday, December 1.

Thanksgiving Week

Persimmons

photograph by Jack Culpepper

Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation

(from the collection of Lincoln's papers in the Library of America series, Vol II, pp. 520-521)

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union. It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God; to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations are blessed whose God is the Lord.

- Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation October 3, 1863

Hilda CrossFits!

Who knew? Hilda loves CrossFit just like the rest of us!

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

Wild Ride

I had a crazy dream last night. I usually don't remember my dreams, but I remember this one. I dreamed that I was on a wild boat ride. People were standing all around watching me, but no one was saying anything--just watching. I wanted to stop the boat, but I couldn't. Finally the out-of-control boat hit a big rock, bringing it to a stop. Then I discovered a hole in the boat where it had rammed into the bolder. The boat was taking on water. I began apologizing for the wild ride and the damage to my boat--which I could not control, but I apologized anyway.

I don't own a boat, and I never go boating. I think this dream must be about uncharted waters, and my fears about the possible wild ride ahead. I decided to write about it because I have been eating like crazy the last two days. I have a lot on my mind right now, and I'm stressed. These are typical conditions that lead me to overeat...I can't control what's going on around me, but there is one thing I can control--my eating. So I take control by eating out of control? Now that's crazy.

Here's to getting a grip today.

You are Beautiful

"You are Beautiful"

by Jon Gilson

courtesy of Again Faster

If I were feeling a little more lawless, I’d gather all the copies of Cosmo and Seventeen, douse them in kerosene, and strike a match. I’d throw in reams of print ads from Calvin Klein and watch with delight as Kate Moss’ stick-thin image was reduced to carbon. I’d add copies of Shape and Runner’s World until the flames reached toward the heavens, and then I’d crank call the editorial desk at Muscle and Fitness until they stopped publishing pictures of women on steroids.

I’d get the master tapes of America’s Next Top Model and dub over them with “Nasty Girls”, broadcasting the results on every television station in America. I’d sky write “CrossFit.com” across the Boston skyline, and gently admonish the hoards of long distance runners trotting along the Charles River—with a bullhorn. I’d take every woman with mass media-induced ideals of beauty, and I’d show them what it really means to be beautiful.

Beautiful women are strong and powerful. They are athletes, capable of every feat under the sun. They have muscles, borne of hard work and sweat. They gauge their self-worth through accomplishments, not by the numbers on the bathroom scale. They understand that muscle weighs more than fat, and they love the fact that designer jeans don’t fit over their well-developed quads.

They know that high repetitions using light weights is a path to mediocrity, and “toning” is a complete and utter myth. They refuse to succumb to the marketers that prey on insecurity, leaving the pre-packaged diet dinners and fat-burning pills on the shelf to pass their expiration date.

Beautiful women train with intensity. They derive self-image from the quality of their work and their ability to excel. They don’t wear makeup to the gym, and they would not be caught dead with a vinyl pink dumbbell. They move iron, they do pull-ups, they jump, sprint, punch, and kick, and they use the elliptical machine—as a place to hang their jump rope.

They spend their weekends in sport, climbing walls, winning races, and running rivers. They laugh as they sprint circles around the unschooled, turning the image-obsessed into bench warmers.

Beautiful women don’t care if they’re soaked in sweat and covered in dirt, if their nails are chipped or their hair out of place. They care only about quality of life. Beautiful women are happy, healthy, and strong, and they’re right there beside me, tossing conventional beauty on the ever-growing flames of what used to be.

Be beautiful.

Seeing is Being

Have you heard of this idea of Deliberate Creation? It goes hand-in-hand with the Law of Attraction. If you believe that your thoughts determine your reality, then it follows that you can create the reality you want by being deliberate about your thoughts. Too wacky for you? Well, think about it a little longer. We all know that visualization is powerful. The field-goal kicker pictures the ball going through the uprights before he kicks it. The ice skater visualizes a triple axle with the perfect landing many, many times before she delivers it. We've all heard the stories of the power of visualization, especially related to sports achievements, and maybe we have even experienced it ourselves.

The most amazing story I have ever heard about the power of visualization is that of Major James Nesmeth. He was a so-so golfer with a typical score in the mid-90's when his life was interrupted by seven years in a POW camp in North Vietnam. During his seven-year imprisonment, he was kept in a small 5x5 foot cell. For nearly the entire length of his imprisonment, he saw no one, talked to no one, and was allowed no physical activity. During the first few months, he did nothing but hope and pray for his release. And then he realized that he had to find a way to occupy his mind or else lose his sanity. So he began playing golf in his mind everyday. He visualized every stroke, every step, every detail of the game. Four hours per day everyday for seven years. After his release from prison and return home, he shot a 74 on his first game of golf. That is an amazing testament to the power of the mind and our thoughts.

So I am trying to visualize the change I want. I sat down earlier tonight to write about it--to document how I want to look and feel without this extra weight. Talk about writer's block! I had no words to describe it--no picture in my mind. Now that is telling! Bingo!! I think I'm on to something here. I will be working on creating this visualization, documenting it, memorizing it, and going over it in my mind everyday. Because, as with everything in life, if I cannot see it, I cannot be it.

Darn Right

We are quickly approaching the end of the 9-week challenge. I hope everyone is feeling good about the progress they have made towards their goals. I feel good about the "inside" work I have done. I've written about some of it here on this blog, as you know, and I'm pleased with that. My other nutrition goal was to keep a food journal. I have not done well on that goal, so I'm recommitting myself to doing that for the next two weeks. Regarding my fitness goal of being able to run a sub-9 mile. I am faster, and I will have a sub-9 mile soon--not sure exactly when, but soon.

How are the rest of you doing? And remember, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. So whatever your progress, it is your choice how you view it. You can choose to take a positive view or a negative view. Taking a positive view is productive and will propel you forward. Taking a negative view will only slow you down.

This Time of Year

I love this time of year. It puts me in such a happy mood. I'm not complaining that the holiday lights are already up in Decatur. It doesn't bother me that Starbucks broke out the red cups and added the gingerbread latte to their menu the day after Halloween. Last week, I was shopping at Target during lunch and stumbled upon the holiday section; they had ripped out the Halloween display and were in the process of replacing it with Christmas. I didn't fuss for a second about it being too early; I just wandered the aisles and took it all in. I love all the trinkets and decorations, the beautiful ribbon and wrapping paper, the cards, and the lights.

Yesterday's cold, blustery weather was perfect too. Waves of leaves floated from the sky, sometimes just a few, sometimes lots all at once. They have gathered ankle-deep at the edge of the rode where the curb meets my yard. The overcast sky reminded me of my favorite holiday album, December by George Winston. I played it yesterday for the first of many times this season. It captures the mood of this season perfectly--the joy, thanksgiving, hope, and even the melancholy that will inevitably come by year's end when we must pack it all away. But for now, the season is ours to enjoy, and I am happy to get a head start and make it last as long as possible.

Go with the Flow

Lately I've been reading and learning about The Law of Attraction. You are probably familiar with the concept--our thoughts, both conscious and unconscious, determine the reality of our lives. If you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you will have it. On the other hand, focusing attention and thought on what you don't want means you'll probably get that instead.

One of the basic principals of the Law of Attraction is to go with the flow--the idea being that if you are struggling too hard maybe you are focusing too much energy on what you don't want rather than on what you do want. And as a result, that's what you are drawing into your life--what you don't want. Rather than rowing like crazy to get upstream, let go and go with the flow. Let the stream carry you along to what you want. My first reaction to this idea was "no way!" It sounds like blasphemy! It's un-American. I am nothing if not a hard worker. I worked hard in school, worked my way through college, worked hard in my career; I have worked hard for everything in my life. I take great pride in my work ethic.

But what if it's true? How else can you explain that I can work so hard to lose weight (and change behaviors) but continue to get what I don't want and do what I don't want to do? How else can you explain that I have been able to achieve most everything I've put my mind to, and yet I still struggle in this one area. What if what I really want isn't upstream at all, but downstream? What if rather than rowing like crazy, all I have to do is let go and let the stream carry me? Let go and let God. Surrender.

Have a Laugh

Inside Out

"My Wild Abstract Heart"

by Kris Cahill

The following is an excerpt from Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth.

I began to see that I couldn't hate my body and appreciate myself, that one was a reflection of the other. I saw that eating was not the problem. And that by treating it as if it were--by dieting, depriving myself, hating my body--I was treating symptoms without working on their cause. I saw that I needed to work from the "inside out," from my feelings, my dreams, my angers, rather than from the "outside in," which began with my body. Being fat, it seemed, was fulfilling certain needs, and unless I dealt with those needs, I could lose weight many times and gain it back just as often in order to continue meeting those needs. I learned that I couldn't take away compulsive eating unless I replaced it with understanding and acceptance.

What needs am I meeting by remaining overweight? Clearly, for some reason, I am reluctant, resistant, to moving beyond this point. Being overweight provides an excuse for me to keep delaying things--I 'll do that when I lose weight. I'll start dating when I lose weight. I'll jump on the 24-inch box when I lose weight. And, "overweight" is who I am on the inside...it's the self-image that has been ingrained, cultivated, reinforced in me since I was a little girl. It's hard to be something on the outside that is different from what you feel and see on the inside.

So here's to changing from the inside out!

Jump for Joy!

“It's possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things”

-Unknown-

I jumped on the 24-inch box last night. 55 times! The last time we did box jumps, Shana made a passing comment to me that it was about time for me to move up to the 24-inch box from the 20-inch box. My first thought was, "I can't jump on a 24-inch box. I can barely make it atop the 20-inch box. I can't move up to the 24-inch box until I drop more weight." Of course I didn't say this out loud for fear that Shana would make me do burpees as punishment for my negative, self-defeated thinking. So I kept my thoughts to myself--even though these were not totally unreasonable thoughts. After all, there are all kinds of legitimate reasons why I should not be able to jump from a dead standing position to the top of a 24-inch box--not the least of which is the fact that I have had my feet planted firmly on the ground my entire life! And now I am 47 years old, too late in life to be jumping, for goodness sake. People my age don't jump. I mean really--I could take a tumble and hurt myself. It's scary and dangerous. All kinds of good reasons not to try the 24-inch box.

But then I remembered back to last November when I first started working out with Shana. I was jumping on a 12-inch box at the time, and I was proud of it. One of the first things Shana said to me was, "PAT, you've got to move up to a bigger box!" Those of you who know Shana know the tone in her voice and the look she gave me. So in December of last year, she had me attempt an 18" box. I remember standing in front of that 18" box, frozen in fear. Finally, with lots of encouragement and Shana standing right beside me, I managed to just do it. There was a big celebration in the gym; Chuck came running out of the office to witness the next one. It was a great feeling!

Later I moved up to a 20-inch box, and that's where I have stayed until now. In my mind, 20-inches is plenty high. I get a great workout ripping out box jumps on the 20-inch box. Why rock the boat?

But that's what coaches are for--to rock our boats and keep us from becoming satisfied with "pretty good". So when I saw box jumps were in the workout, I decided that I would attempt the 24-inch jumps. With Shana on one side of the box and Marshall on the other, without thinking about it too much, I hauled off and jumped up onto that 24-inch box. And what do you know? I can jump on a 24-inch box.

A Peek in the Rear View Mirror

Do you ever feel like you are working really hard and going no where? Naomi (Gnomes) and I were talking after the workout last night, and she said she feels like her progress has slowed a little lately. Melissa expressed similar feelings about her progress. I have certainly felt that way before; I'm pretty sure we all have. For me, it usually happens when I get too focused on what I have yet to achieve rather than on what I have already accomplished and how far I have come.

I thought we might focus today on how we have changed and how our lives have improved in recent months. Sometimes it helps to look back and celebrate accomplishments -- to take a mental break from staring at the next goal. So, take a peek in the rear view mirror. What's different about you now? Are you stronger? Faster? Happier? Do you sleep better? Do you show up at the gym several times each week and workout?

I'll start by listing a few changes in my life over the last few months:

1. I launched this blog which has been a tremendous blessing in my life. It helps me so much to hear from all of you on a regular basis. And I discovered a knack for writing.
2. I have made so many new friends since CFED opened on June 1. Rachel, Melissa, Miki, Marshall, Ashley, Myesha, and more.
3. I am so much faster and getting faster every week. That sub-9 mile is just a matter of time.
4. I am learning more about myself and why I struggle with emotional eating.
5. I am much stronger and prove it every time we have a heavy lifting day at the gym.

Now it's your turn!

Before it Fades Away

" Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."

-Albert Camus

I gathered this collection of leaves on my walk yesterday afternoon. The leaves were so colorful, and I thought they would make a beautiful arrangement. We gather flowers for bouquets, why not leaves?

As I was sitting at my desk, trying to work, this view from my office kept calling me to go for a walk. It seemed the leaves on these trees had peaked overnight. And just as quickly they will pass. These glorious fall days are fleeting, and we need to enjoy them while we can. So I gave in and went for a walk. Melvin was thrilled.

The maples around the neighborhood are on fire with autumn's glory. The oakleaf hydrangea in my yard has great big leaves, bigger than my hand, and brilliant red. The crape myrtles are covered in beautiful orange leaves, and the Virginia Creeper is starting to turn. The solomon's seal in the backyard is fading away for winter, but in its twilight it has turned a beautiful yellow. I don't think I ever noticed the beauty of passing solomon's seal before today. I think the fading solomon's seal may be a metaphor for life--it gets richer and brighter as we grow older, but we have to be willing to take notice.

My heart sang at the sight of this ginko tree downtown. Its leaves are a perfectly ripe yellow and still clinging to the tree. It is a beautiful site if you can catch it before the leaves fall. But even as they begin to fall it will be eye-popping with the bright yellow leaves on the green lawn. Breath-taking. Notice it if you can. It is located just down from the intersection of Clairemont and Ponce, near the Holiday Inn. And don't just drive by and glance at it. Leave the car at home or park it. Take a stroll by this ginko tree. Stop and admire it. Soak up its beauty before it fades away.

When Food is Love

I went on my first diet when I was ten, and I have been dieting, or feeling guilty for not dieting, ever since. Dieting and losing weight have been major themes of my life for as long as I can remember. I want to be free of this burden. In order to change, I have to do some hard emotional work. I don't want to do it. But I also don't want to stay where I am. I may have finally reached a point where it is more painful not to change than it is to change. I hope so.

It would be easy to just write about diets, menus, and exercise everyday. But that is not what I need. If that were the answer, I would have solved this long ago. So I will be focusing even more on the emotional work that I need to do and sharing with you what I'm learning.

I am currently reading When Food is Love by Geneen Roth. The following excerpt really spoke to me .

"As long as my attention was consumed by what I ate, what size clothes I wore, how much cellulite I had on the backs of my legs, and what my life would be like when I finally lost the weight, I could not be deeply hurt by another person. When I felt rejected by someone, I reasoned that he or she was rejecting my body, not me, and that when I got thin, things would be different.

I thought I wanted to be thin; I discovered that what I wanted was to be invulnerable.

Diets don't work because food and weight are the symptoms, not the problems. The focus on weight provides a convenient and culturally reinforced distraction from the reasons why so many people use food when they are not hungry. These reasons are more complex than--and will never be solved with--will power, counting calories, and exercise. They have to do with neglect, lack of trust, lack of love, abuse, unexpressed rage, grief, being the object of discrimination, and protection from getting hurt again. People abuse themselves with food because they don't know they deserve better. People abuse themselves because they've been abused. They become self-loathing, unhappy adults not because they've experienced trauma but because they've repressed it."

A Witch, a Rat, and a Roach

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

Ralph Waldo Emerson