Eating for Patience

Hisbiscus moscheutos 'Disco Belle Red' blooming in Mama's garden.

For the last week I've been either celebrating with food or soothing myself with food, depending on my mood. For the two weeks prior to that, I ate whatever/whenever I had the chance. My life was in total chaos with the gym fiasco, so I just did the best I could. For the six weeks prior to that, during the time that I had decided to leave my ownership position at the gym and tried to find a way out, I ate for patience. You've heard of praying for patience. Well, I ate for patience. I don't recommend it. Praying is more effective. The point is this: when you use food as a crutch, there is always a reason to eat. If you don't have one, you make one up.

It has occurred to me again recently to just give up this fight. It seems too difficult a change for me to make sometimes. Why can't I just be the woman I want to be? Why is this so hard? I don't know the answer. But I know I can't quit. I have to keep trying. While I was in Kroger today, I noticed two very different women shopping near me. One was lean and fit. The other was large and unhealthy looking with swollen ankles. My future right there before me. My choice to make.

Life is never going to settle down enough that I don't have a reason to placate myself with food. I've just got to get back to making good choices more often than not. Starting now. I cleaned out my refrigerator which was full of nothing edible -- all food I had purchased the day the gym blew up (June 15). I plan on attending a Weight Watcher meeting tonight followed by a trip to the grocery store.

Next on my list is taking care of this knee which is preventing me from most exercise. I have an appointment tomorrow to have it checked out. And I started checking into gyms where I might workout next. No decision yet, but I will keep you posted.

Returning to normal. My choice to make. Everyday.