Thursday, April 9, 2009
Angry Girl
I found myself dealing with some anger yesterday. First I dealt with a neighbor who wants to cut down two trees in my yard because they shade his pool. He asked me a couple of weeks ago, and rather than saying, "no, I don't think so," I said, "let me think about it." So he came knocking on my door yesterday afternoon (while I was working...seems people have this idea if you work at home you don't really work) to ask again. This time I said "no", but it wasn't a pleasant encounter, and I ended up apologizing. This is a common theme in my life. I let people walk all over me, and then I apologize if they stub their toe in the process. Later in the day, I found myself doing work for a slack co-worker. I should have just let the work pile up, but this person's slackness reflects on me. And so I find it hard to just let it go. But then I'm angry because I'm always picking up the slack.
Ack! I was pretty uncomfortable with pent up anger by the time I was able to stop for dinner. There's a well-worn groove in my psyche for dealing with this kind of situation. Take it, take it, take it...and then EAT! Well, last night I caught myself. I actually let out a verbal cry, "I'm so ANGRY!" I let a few tears flow, and just felt the anger wash over me and through me. Such a better response that stuffing it down and numbing out.
I want to stop being every body's lap dog and door-mat. I'm sick of it. I've had enough of it.
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9:00 am, Breakfast
2 slices ezekiel bread
1 T peanut butter
3 soy sausage links
coffee with milk
1:00 pm, Lunch
Salad (mixed greens, pork tenderloin, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, balsamic vinaigrette)
4:00 pm, Snack
Balance Bar
coffee with milk
6:00 pm, Walk at Lullwater Park
8:30 pm, Dinner at Panera
Orchard Harvest Salad with grilled chicken
multi-grain roll
iced tea (unsweet)
10:30 pm
1 oz dark chocolate
decaf coffee with milk
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1 comment:
Good for you Girl. ...I like to scream in my car -- that way it doesn't scare people lol.
I used to THINK my anger, instead of FEEL it -- and it was a convoluted roller-coaster to retrain my brain/emotions... actually, a better way to say it, is that it was a HUGE pendulum swing in the opposite direction. We gotta take it easy on ourselves sometimes to understand that it didn't get this way overnight and REVERSING a process takes a little time. Like CrossFitting hahaha. So if you've kept anger suppressed for a bit -- just be aware that giving yourself permission to be angry, sometimes it gets a little overblown HAHA and that is OKAY!! Don't be scared, it will level-out -- and your real friends will stick by you. That's probably why I'm in your life, to give you a stellar example of being a little bitchy and not stoving shit up HAHA
For me, it was CRYING. I didn't cry for years. And oh lord when I allowed myself to do that, it was a frikkin' noah's ark/40days kinda thing lol.
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