"Fetch for Time" Melvin gets his WOD in at Lullwater Park on Monday.
So here's the deal. I am prone to depression and have struggled with it for years with varying degrees of success. I use food, specifically refined carbohydrates, to feel better. The problem is that it doesn't work. It provides only temporary relief but then sets off a vicious cycle, intensifying the depression which makes me crave more sugar. The very thing I turn to for relief is making the problem worse.
And I am so sick of all the contradictory information out there. Get in the Zone. Go Paleo. Eat dairy. No, don't eat dairy; it will kill you. Grains are good. Grains are from the devil. Just do Weight Watchers which allows you to eat all foods in moderation. Everybody has a solution for me, and I just want to scream! For someone who binged on crap Sunday night, Monday night, and Wednesday night, every one's advice seems to miss the point. I just need to get off Oreos and ice cream for goodness sake!
Well I've cried and screamed and prayed and medicated with food, but the problem is still there. And I am more confused and frustrated than ever. I don't know what the answer is.
But here's what I do know.
- What I'm doing is not working. It's time to try something different.
- My food/drug of choice is always sugary, fatty, refined carbs.
- Even when I'm "being good" I find it difficult to control "good carbs" like cereal, whole wheat bread, brown rice, beans, and corn.
- I have never binged on lean protein, fruits, or vegetables.
- I don't seem to have a problem with milk and cottage cheese; although I can get into trouble with yogurt and hard cheeses sometimes.
- I never met a nut that I didn't like, and I find it hard to control these.
6 comments:
Morning All!
Man, do I ever feel ya/hear ya/ know it, Pat.
I'm the VERY SAME. WW allowed me "some" brown rice because fiber is so great they say...well, not if you love it. I don't know if this helps you at all, but I simply have had to completely give up grains (in chewing form, that is. I'm just not going to give up my _very_ occasional Guinness or wheat beer) and most carbs.
I figured I gave up eating animals for 20 years to save their lives, I could give up grains & carbs to save mine.
Since then, I've been trying various things with Shana--no sugars at all, no artificial sweeteners, and now no fruits even. It truly seems like my body hoards any miniscule bit of sugar it gets.
I don't know why--for me--deciding that I was choosing to "give something up" has made it easier on me vs. being told I can't/shouldn't have something or being given a quantity I can have each day (that truly makes it forbidden fruit for me). Perhaps it just coincided with Lent and all my childhood memories of how "strong" I felt to be able to give up something for what seemed like an eternity.
I wonder if thinking about things this way might work for you or be worth trying?
Love the picture of Melvin.
Here is what I know:
I love chocolate
I love candy
I love sugar
I love carbs
I love the banana pudding I made last night - but I will share it and not eat it in one sitting (or force feed it to spouse to get it gone).
When they are within reach, it's over..
Here's what else I know:
When I avoid the above, I feel better
When I eat fruits and veggies, I am full longer and am more satisfied
I know if I have the sugar things in my house, I will eat them all, in no time.
So, I don't have that stuff in the house when I can prevent it. I don't walk down the candy aisle at Publix. When I walk in, I stay focused on my list and head straight to the produce section. I can't be trusted to walk through the bakery.
I fall off the wagon, but I remind myself what you told us a while ago - just get back on and begin again. It's ok.
Oh, and Meeks - saw your post from last night - Congrats on the 5 consecutive pull-ups!
Yes, Meeks! Congrats on the pullups. I'm not surprised 'cause last time I saw your pullups they were looking really good.
Thanks for sharing what you know, Gnomes! Good stuff.
Mo, thanks for the comments. I admit I have been resistant to giving up entire food groups. It flys in the face of everything I've been taught my whole life. But I'm so unhappy with where I am, I'm open to experimenting. Today I'm not having any grains. At this point, I'm not ready to make any long-term comittments, but I am ready to experiment and see how I feel. I'll experiment today...and if I decide to, I'll repeat it tomorrow. Giving up fruit?!? WTF? I don't even want to think about that...that's too extreme -- makes me want to SCREAM again. I got to keep it real here, and that just seems crazy and scary and something I don't even want to know about. What the hell will I eat if I give up fruit? Frankly, if I have to give up fruit, I think I will just give up eating altogether. Good for you if that works, but I can't think about such extreme things. That scares the bejesus out of me. Now beer on the other hand, you can have it. I could care less.
So I'm going to see my younger brother this weekend who is an alcoholic who has now been sober for 3 years. When he was in treatment we had a very interesting discussion about "self-medicating". We both were abuse victims as kids who didn't tell and didn't know the other's story. He made it through college but ended up medicating himself with alcohol. Unlike him I medicated myself with work and carbs between the 2 I never had to let my "front" down or let anyone get too close. The only difference between me and my brother is that his behavoir was not accepted by society and mine not only was but the success at school and work was encouraged. He spent 6 months in inpatient treatment center to get back on a solid and somewhat healthy footing. Thanks to his pain and admission of issues I was able to face what happened to me and with 18 mo of therapy understand that a diet wasn't the answer since I wasn't eating to satisfy hunger but to cover pain. Today I still find myself occasionally hiding in work or having one of those carb binges but they are much fewer with much more time in between. When they happen I at least now know to think first "what is really wrong". I'm finally to the point that I think that I can really actively participate in an eating plan without the assurance of self-sabotage. Over the last 8 months I have shifted from a carb based diet to one much more "zone" on which I can tell a huge difference even without watching specifically watching portions or counting blocks. I am continuing to journey forward and likely will try a period of block counting soon. PatC Thank you for putting your story out on this blog. Although I don't always comment knowing that other people have similar struggles has helped me as no matter how long I have been facing challenges more healthily work and carbs will always be my drug of choice.
Have a great weekend! I'll be back at CFED on Wed.
Have a great visit with your brother Meeks!
Hopefully I will get to see you next week.
Post a Comment